Male by Birth, Man by Choice

The Year 2010

2010-12-28T00:36:00.000+08:00

Looking back this year, I believe I have learnt many things about myself. I am a natural Procrastinator. I can't help it. Its either I felt it was important to do things, if not I won't even bother. Secondly, my management skills are like so-so, compared to others. Am I really fit to lead people? I believe I ask that question many times and always my answers are vague.

I came to many conclusions about Life and one of them happens to be "Life is EXTREMELY VAGUE, you either jump in with Faith and succeed or fail, or, you hold back with Fear and never accomplish anything. I tried both. However the first option seems to be the most promising. Because even if you jump in and fail, yes you will be somewhat 'humiliated' but after a while, when you know about when the shit will hit the fan, you start to notice the patterns around you and cause for it to not happen the second attempt.

In the short period of time with my Encik, I have learnt many things from his arrival. Many things I looked up to him, his Child like Faith in our company despite the odds, his charismatic way of addressing to the recruits and to us, and also his policy on being HUMBLE and to show RESPECT to others even if they are our enemies and they harmed us, just FORGIVE them and prove to them that you are the best. That is called healthy pride. Guess where that was taken from? The Bible my friends. In army we always lack these things I specifically caps. In fact in life itself, we are lacking these and thats why there are many backstabbings. I've seen how my Encik, new as he is, accept punishment from his superior and if anybody of his same level of appointment or anyone for that matter, do him injustice or random scolding, he will ask nicely what is the problem, settle it as quickly as possible, and after that ask the person if the job was satisfactory and if it is all done. Once he acknowledges, my encik will tell him nicely, "See I got it for you all done, talk to me nicely next time ok?" in a very nice tone and walked off.

Meeting my encik in 2010 for me was the turning point to my 2 years liability of my NS life. I was more cheerful, less agitated and more clear on my job scope. I thank all my fellow sergeants and recruits for creating a fun experience for me in BMTC. Despite the fact that we are a new school and are pioneering a lot of things, we went through weird problems that I felt we should not be going through. But the experience I gain is so invaluble and I will always keep it in my mind and heart.

The Way to Animation! (Sketching tryouts at Lasalle)

2010-10-26T17:57:00.000+08:00

Drawing, my friend, is the creative side of the 3D animation industry of the world today. That is what I have been 'investing' my money and time in recently.

Once again, I've caught on the bug of animation from watching inspiring visual effects and movement from the very famous Final Fantasy and from a game known as Bioshock! The way story tells from these games are sbsolutely spell-binding along with the gameplay factor. It adds up to the storyline of things. First Person mode.

Anyway I hope to note down my time in going through this Professional Development Course aka Drawing With The Right Brain course that I picked up at Lasalle School of the Arts in Singapore.

Its a 2 month course and it starts immediately introducing different art forms and techniques as the week progresses. And yes, its once a week in the night, suited for those who really need to work in the day and ,out of interest, come to this course at night.

So far its been 3 weeks into the course and I must say, it has opened my eyes a little more to the Artist World. Of course when they say drawing class is just like primary school, draw draw draw, then splash the paint, TADAH!!! ART! Its not that simple, bub.

Sketching has never been so HARD! Also, i realise that maybe ABSTRACT art was not my cup of tea. I mean, I can be abstract, just not as abstract as some other people in my class. They can really define patterns and draw twice as good as me. Talented people, Talented Competition... I like.

2nd Week we were introduced to tools that could help our sketching using a 'viewfinder' we 'capture' on this plastic telc and then we draw according to the dimensions as closely as possible. At first it was just our hands, then when you add an object to the hands, it becomes generally even more difficult. There are shadings to be done and to tone the shading for the shadows are a little harder.

What about Blind Contours? Wow, I think I practically fail that category. We need to draw an object WITHOUT looking at the paper and just Blindly draw the lines thus the magic name, Blind Contours. Its crazy I tell you. But it was wonderously crazy. The feeling of exhilaration by just trying to draw the object, marvelous and sometimes a little disheartened. But no matter it was just my second week.

Third week. FIGURE DRAWING! Now THAT is interesting.

We had two models coming in to pose NUDE for us. Now that's a FIRST FOR ME! A guy and girl model, appearing nude and we had to draw! Using the techniques I've learned, negative spaces, contours, view finders, we were very much ENGROSS in trying to draw the figure out that we do not notice their nakedness as much as on our paper. Here I see loads of professionalism from the students, other then the occasional outburst of laughter due to silly drawings that did not turn out the way we wanted it to be. That just made it fun.

Then we did Portrait drawing. We had to draw faces and heres where I really get to working. I drew the face of the model and when the teacher came by to see my finished work she was actually impressed. Her names Susan by the way.

Susan: "Wow, I've got to show this" (Shows to some of the students near me)
Susan: "Is this your first time doing a portrait?"
Me: "Yes it is."
Susan: "Wow, its not bad for a beginner, I must say that your portrait is quite good actually."
Me: *smile* (actually I'm just absolutely thrilled to hear from her)

It was like her first praise to me. Because most of the time she just comes to me and give constructive critisisms like my portion was way off.
But during the whole figure drawing she gave me two praises and only one constructive criticism. It was a week to be remembered. My first ever, Sketching of the human being in the NUDE and both sexes too. It was eye-opening and surprisingly, I really thought that if you see a girl nude, I would have other thoughts otherwise, but strangely enough, I didn't feel anything.

It's like what our Teacher said, we just see them as objects and ultimately we may even forget that our Models are actually ALIVE and need to move and drink and do all sorts of things human if they were to sit there for so long.

I hoep to update the next few weeks so that I can keep track of my progress and journey to entering the Animation industry. =)

End of 03/10 Batch of Viper Recruits: Reflection

2010-10-01T08:05:00.000+08:00

I can finally say that its OVER!!! Finally!

Its been a hectic 2 months of shit thrown at us. We had lost muzzle, lost magazine, again. And we had Scorpion. The most freaking idiotic Warrant officer company who just can't seem to shut up about us screwing up certain things but in the end they also pulled some stuns that displeases the whole cluster. Like allowing their recruits to go in ADMIN ATTIRE to cookhouse for lunch, why? Coz they will have physical activity the next period. WTFreaking HELL!

Then my company? We all abide to the BMTC rule book, but Scorpion is allowed to flaunt the rules??? What is this? Then because of our Coy's certain discipline issues, now this morning another Warrant Officer from the cursed coy came over to claim domination over our coy. It was partly our mistake, but from what I see, I know that they have been aiming us pretty hard. Its not like my officers during duty even noticed and mention about S coy before.

Like CSM said... Stay humble.

Hopelessly... Merciful...

2010-09-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

Personally, I do not understand why is it I think the way I think? Get it?

Rephrase, I do not understand how was it that I derive the conclusion to my own thoughts on certain situations. Example would be, I will always think that my section commanders are not listening to my orders due to the fact that I was once a 3SG and also when I was a new PS.

My appointment was in the end neglected and thought of as RUBBISH from my fellow peers as they go ahead with things that I know will not work out. Therefore I just stop talking altogether. Now that was my REACTION to my Thoughts.

I can't help but feel that for the past few months I was in VIPER. I don't really feel like a family. More like a forced Family Union that currently, some of my cousins and younger generations are showing. Even on Facebook. Nevertheless, I will still put on a good show. Do what I can for my platoon and irregardless of what other platoons say about my platoon. I know I have did my best.

Its just that sometimes, those few PSes that love to shoot my platoon. I understand that my platoon is the way it is. Then so be it. Why the hell you interfere? I finally understand why Ridzwan told me to FUCK OFF whenever I try to run his platoon. Its a nagging feeling in me that nearly exploded. But everytime I suppress it.

There were times I really wanted to just shout at my fellow sergeants to stay out of it. You want to talk to them? Can. But you want to talk down my platoon then be ready. That was my initial thoughts at first. Until I told myself that they are my commanders and I cannot "control" them like Recruits.

This applies the sameway to my fellow Sec Comds. So much for being a PS. No one really listens. Ask them to do things they will consider two to three things before they start doing. And they did it TO ME ONLY! Their OWN PS!!! FUCK YOU BASTARDS!

So far the new spec has proven humble and irritable due to the fact of his way of lying to us about certain issues. But nevertheless he's ok. I'm talking about those that entered my platoon since the previous batch of PTP. They think that just because they went through a PTP phase they know their stuff. They are seriously wrong. Instead, they find new ways to smoke out and from all people, ME! Their PS.

Then All you section commanders just FUCK OFF LA! What for I need you guys who will not listen to me? Although yes you did your JOB. But there are more things then your Job scope.

One of them said to me and I will always remember. "You think you got do this before? You don't know how tough it is!" That time that sec comd was doing a demonstration for Fire Movement. I only pointed out some mistakes to let him know. He took it the wrong way.

Maybe it was the way I phrase my words. I should have complimented him first. The next thing was to discretely tell him his mistakes.

Still, he told me off that day. And I was freaking piss. He did not know that I went through the same shit as him, just that it was more shiong. I did it with my fellow batch, and we did it, nicely. Double J, former OC Viper, took us one side and applaude us in our very UP demonstration.

He still is my Sec Comd, and is still getting on my nerves. I can't help but to always want to put him in a difficult situation as a retaliation for his mistake. In the end, my moral values got the better of me.

I'm sick and tired of being nice, of being merciful, but in the end... I can't. I just can't.

Failure and its Beautiful Nature...

2010-09-04T08:12:00.000+08:00

Many of us who went through Failure, especially Singaporeans, have seen it as a form of Taboo. It strikes in every heart of the Asian community in Singapore, that is why our education is our number one priority, our goals for an ONWARD SINGAPORE and our busy lives, contributes to the Taboo of Failure.

Now lets say you failed. Your brain registers a thought that "You are a Failure." Then when the environment somewhat confirms your Perspective, in the end it takes form within your Sub-concious. Which ultimately defines the way you think in future. Its a little psycological, yet I have seen men in the army who are just like that. They didn't know it. Explaining it to them does not help it. The only way we can help this form of people is to guide them all the way till the end.

Its not easy, and simple. Patience is required and alot of understanding is needed. Less condemnation and more love to be given to this bunch of individual. But army being army. Results Orientated, less humane in its doctrines see this form of treatments relatively as "sissy" and "the person is too feminine" despite him being a guy. This are low stereotypical levels. The rest will think he "faked" the injury. But what can we say?

We are not psychics who can read people's mind like super heroes. We can only do what we do best as humans. Show concern and love, to cover-up but not to spoil. To unleash wrath on the wrong doings but to stay lovingly towards the human.

Perspective Thinking and its Conseqences...

2010-08-31T22:08:00.000+08:00

I generally have to say that I thank God for Perspective Thinking. He has caused my eyes to really open wide to what is going on around me as well as to see things in different views so that I do not let my anger get the better of me like every batch.

Although I see things in a different light, but my perspective views cannot be accepted by the people around me. I can talk to them, but they immediately brush it off as talking cock. After having a Perspective, now all I really need is the art of Persuasion.

Persuasiveness I have always thought I am one of those few. But after coming to army, I realised I have a long long way to go. The people here are vicious, and will climb over your head. I am just a nice guy to my sergeants, but that does not mean you can sukale do everything the way you wanted it to be. Having said that, I have been avoiding arrows too but not all the important ones. I guess I just could not understand why they take leave at times which are a little inappropriate. Tanking sessions will be underway.

2010-07-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

Today... IS MY BIRTHDAY! IN CAMP! Doing company duty Sergeant and even helping out with my platoon admin matters.

I can't believe how happy I was today. When I saw the 32 notifications from my friends, I can see that these are the people that I have influenced and have play a part in their lives to even remember my birthday. Its a good thing we have FACEBOOK. Because if you even forgot someone's birthday, it will still remind you and thus you are able to greet them on time.

I really thank my parents, especially my mom for being the first to message me, followed by friends and relatives on facebook. To my last batch of recruits I can tell who are the ones who wanna press into my life and I feel appreciated that I can talk to them.

Pre-Enlistment Viper Coy 03/10

2010-07-28T23:25:00.000+08:00

I will be starting my own reflection here. I believe sharing it here I can give my Spiritual Reflection here more then the NS one. After all, its better to do personal reflection here, with the holy spirit as its content, rather then post it in the NS portal.

However, I will still put in some of my values on the LEARNET blog so that I can see if what I typed here is somehow similar and in line with my Christian Values to the SAF Core Values that I display to my fellow recruits-to-be.

Starting off, I did not really prepare myself much for this upcoming batch, again. I have to be on my toes and stay sharper then normal and to keep my healthy living up once again. I can't sleep at 11pm any longer unless I have to prowl then its another matter. I wish to lead by example because that was how I told myself to be. But when it comes to the physical side. I hope that I can stay in shape in terms of running and pull ups to hit 10.

The upcoming batch is enhanced, meaning that it consists of more IPPT Passes and I really really pray that my section won't have any problems except for fighting towards SILVER and GOLD which is a GOOD problem that I am willing to shoulder the burden.

I need to be more concise on my administrative duties and stay focus on what is to come for each lesson. In other words, I have to stay 'up' there.

I would like to end off this blog with prayers so that I can keep track of my own spirituality.

Father I thank you for today. For all the preparation work that is done, for the introducing of my new PC and CSM all on the same day. I hope that I can work with them, improve my own attitude and pride so that I can talk more with others. I thank you for the specs that I can talk to and pray that we can form a good working relationship and also to be an example to them. I thank you for my section commanders in platoon 1 that they are all very dedicated people in one way or the other. I pray especially for BENNY tthat he can grasp the culture of VIPER and not to slack too much but to perform his duties properly and help out whenever he can and not just sit around passively. I thank you Lord, for a 'up' CSM and OC, and that I understand that Leaders are placed by you so that we can learn things from the higher ups as well as to give us a showcase as to how I can learn qualities from them that prepares me for the Destiny that you have aimed to prepare me for. I pray that every 'opportunity' is significant and do task in a humble and meek tone. Teach me God to stay focus on important task and to be AWARE about my surroundings.

Lord, I ask for WISDOM to GO THROUGH THE TRAIL, which was taught last service from Pastor Tan. I would like to experience a Faith-titude that our Pastor has put forward, that we can experience your Wisdom to Advance and OVERCOME any trial by going through it. I thank you Lord, that you are a passionate and merciful savior. That one day if I should complaint, I hope Lord that you will forgive me, and help me see that you are a passionate and merciful savior, the same savior that saved us from Sin can save us from any trial. I thank you Lord in the name of Jesus.

Amen.

2010-07-12T12:52:00.000+08:00

I just want to thank all those that have helped me in some way or another:

Enling - For being there for me whether through blogging or even buying for me tai yang ping for me =D

David - For being available all the time to book seats and talk to me about animation related topics. Love you bro.

Guang Jin - For being a brother that shares computer knowledge, gaming interest and to laugh at all my lame jokes. They mean alot to me.

Junjie - For accepting me back to N119, although it has changed alot, but I know that its a place where I need to re-establish my love for God once again.

Eddy - Thanks for all the game and movie updates! Stop watching Streaming shows... Poor quality la!

Miao Hua, Ester - For giving me a job that actually is a pre-cursor to what I am experiencing in army, just that its even worse here. And to be there during Strikeforce, encouraging me sometimes, talking to me with lame stuff and UNCOMPLETED stories. LOL! Blur sia you. Also to be a friend that talks literally about anything under the sun.

Michelle - My big sister and also lamness-in-crime. Thank you for being the cheerful person you are and talking about funny topics and even being "aunty" about shopping stuffs. Haha, they were always entertaining and it really brightens my day.

Bing Xun and Weiloong, Brothers of Thunder - The two of you always always put a smile on my face. Thanks for sharing the jamming sessions we had, guitar playing bros!

Cheryl Hiew - For being my spiritual mom and also to give me a chance to shine in the area of serving for the cell group in praise and worship. I learnt the most under your leadership and although I left the cell group on actually a wimp, you still allowed me to. And I am somehow grateful but also sad that I had to leave due to my own selfish desires.

Weiling - For being blur and talkative, I thank you for your lively nature that brings all kinds of laughter although most are directed at you. haha.

Shuncheng - For being a bro in my times of NS troubles. I can't imagine how I would feel without you present in cell group.

Huizhen - Thank you for being the big big sister. Although you have endured your own hardships. but you never fail to amaze me with your perserverance and how you pursue God. Its inspiring.

Sylvia and Jasmine - For joining together in our Asia Conference gathering! What fun times we had.

Jun Kang and the Glutton gang - Thank you for taking care of me during my time in your cell group. All the funny lame things we had was really memorable.

Josephine - Although you are not from CHC, but you are a key element in keeping my spirits up during army. Although we haven't met for a VERY VERY long time, but indeed you brighten my day at key points in my life.

These are the people I would like to thank in my circle of Christian Friends.

Stating the obvious...

2010-07-02T20:40:00.002+08:00

I can't say right now my personality is somewhat introverted. And I realise I have been talking more about myself, my well being than for others. Where was the once loving Clement that thought about everyone around him? Can't be bothered I suppose. Due to the change in work environment? The People associated? I guess all these are just factors that support the personaility of a person.

Sometimes I hate this side of me. But yet I constantly kept on doing the things that I want to change. I know I am human, and I know that God is with me. But knowing is one thing. Experiencing? Now that takes courage and faith. I can't help but wonder how is it the christians in Army are strong enough to lose the temptation, because I realized that I am failing in this sector. Everytime I felt the holy spirit its only in the church atmosphere and sometimes in cell group. Then that's where I can't really declare myself a christian if I can't have God with me 24/7. To have God's Presence literally with me wherever I go, I could come out with solutions that I have never thought before, strength found in the most unlikely situations and will lead with a heart of servitude. But army teaches the exact opposite. Instead of resisting it, I've conformed to it.

That is a dangerous thing to occur for a christian, whether are they new or old. I pray, regardless of my situation currently, that my fellow christians in camp will be able to lead a godly life. I on the underhand have to start following my Father's footsteps. And to learn it the hard way...

Plans, Concerns for the future...

2010-06-12T09:02:00.003+08:00

I've always questioned myself on the fact that I am stagnated. Probably, considering the circumstances I am in, I do feel the frustration that I can't really do much in army. I mean, my concerns are now on the Platoon and their needs as well as the Company establishment, after all I am a Platoon Sergeant.

That is why I admire people who can balance their lives to pray and seek God even in the midst of their business. Although people keep telling me to pray on the island, but I do not have any partners in particular to pray with. I feel very alienated and a little down for the fact that in my company I am the only Christian left. I can't help but feel that I am in a Daniel situation. Yet, I do not display much of his qualities. I realised my judgemental attitude has gotten stronger and more irritable then before. I wonder why I do that. Why do I feel irritated about certain attitudes that commanders express. I know that they are only human. But so am I. Your time is over, but that to me is an excuse for being Lazy... To me. I too am guilty for such stuff. I did say that my time is over too, but I knew I was just being lazy. I have to buck up on this area.

Recently I have been debating myself whether I should go to FZD School of Design or 3Dsense Media School. FZD focuses on design and concept whereas, 3Dsense is the package for a digital artist in the field of animation and special effects. I can't decide yet as there are too many factors to consider, one of them being my faith to draw. I know I am not an artist, but I love to be involved in concepts and designing. But ever since I stepped into army, there was just too many routine cycles that presses down on my creativity and now I haven't been thinking of much ideas. I have to start to stir myself up and to move on in life after army.

My alternative could be business or psychology. I don't understand why is it I do not have any drive at all to study like Kean Mun is but I know that if I do not do something now, I will suffer my own consequence for being complacent, lazy and just being unproductive. I hate for the fact that I have this lazy side of me and fear that pulls me back on my destiny for christ, whatever my destination is...

I tried praying about it, visualizing myself in the field of animation and movie making, but I do not sense Him much since I entered in this literally God-Forsaken place. Many people forsake their religion and even relationship with their God when they enter this place. I realized that my faith was not even as much as a mustart seed because of the routine atmosphere and security I was given. Somehow I knew that SOT may be one of the ways to get me back on my feet. And I remembered clearly, that God wanted me to go to SOT. Although I am somewhat fearful, but I've already planned it in my schedule itself. I hope to obey this calling to God. As for my weird dream of the future for my family, I hope that it will come to pass base on the choices we make on this Earth we live in.

Take all of me

2010-06-08T22:47:00.002+08:00

Take all of me, I give you my all for more of you...

This phrase just appeared in my head as I start wondering what do I type for my upcoming post for this blog. One thing I realized over the past few weeks, that I have been relying on my own strength all this while when I am in Viper Coy. I can't exactly say that God was not part of everything, but I know that I did not lean on him. Either that, or I just lost the touch I had at Asia Conference again. Is this thing normal? Am I just not attune spiritually enough? How do I know if I am Spiritual enough to sense him?

I understand that through PRAYER is how we communicate with him. Probably that is my answer. But my circumstance is right now in the way of such "Luxury". I know that if that is the case, I need to make the sacrifice of my time. However, my job scope of being in the army, is both mentally and physically taxing. I can't really say its an EXCUSE not to pray, after all I do pray at night whenever I can. All I'm trying to say is, I don't think I sense him much whenever I'm in my camp. Its as if, I am alone although I believe that He is within me. Yet my lifestyle depicts a different approach to what I envision myself to be. I wanted to be like Christ, after all it is out goal as Christians, to use Jesus as an example of engaging the World but not compromising His love for God and for His People. I can't say that I have been like that and I do admit that I can be judgemental and have realized that I have been ever since I came into army.

I took a personality test and I had ENFP... Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. Now? INFJ. The only thing changed was the E and P changed to I and J. I have become Introverted, and Judging. Now I do not like my judgemental self as I can be a pain in the ass to some people and also detestable to others. Because I judge without thinking the time and place of event and I do not really care about Politics and shoot my mouth off. I realized that it was a big mistake and also stupid because I am demeening somebody this way... Therefore I still keep my Perceiving style because I realized that I was only 18% Judging, that means, my Perceiving is still there, the only thing was I had to Judge because of my current Job Scope as a PS.

What does all my rantings got to do with the First Line? All I'm trying to say is, I want back the time where I gave God my purpose and my life to support the cell group, to rise up again, to stand in the gap, to make friends properly, to be filled once again, to have the hunger and thirst for the word, back to bible study again, back to worship and praise, back to playing my guitar, back to the time in Emerge Conference where I gave my heart in exchange for more of him...

Take all of me, I give you my all for more of you
Move in your Power, Open the Heavens Lord Today
Take all of me, Make us your Light for all to see
Change this World we Live in
Let your Harvest in
Let Your Harvest in

Take all of me for more of you
All Consuming Fire
Take all of me for more of you
You're my Hearts Desire

Asia Conference + CGI Summary

2010-06-01T13:29:00.002+08:00

I have just been revived by a mighty river of the holy spirit for the past 5 days of Asia Conference. Despite my tired self due to unforseen circumstances, I was able to listen to the messages of the famous speakers from the CGI board members. I am very inspired, refreshed and pumped as of Sunday night.

Once again, Dr. A.R. Bernard has exceeded my expectations. I thought he was going to bring the house down again with his very educational, insightful and inspirational messages. He didn't just bring the house down. The whole world was about to split just from his messages. They were mind-boggling and blowing at the same time, talking about the cultural mandate to a new level! The first session he gave was to give all of us a WORLD VIEW or what he liked to call, COSMOLOGY, of the relationship between the church and the world. After giving us the overview he came to reveal to us that our focus of the Biblical World View is to Restore all that is its original intent that God made it to be.

On the Second Session, he talked about the Christian World View and he gave us a boost on our role in this Cultural Mandate. We are suppose to bring restoration to the culture through God's World view. He uses the Prodigal son to explain of a christian walk during their time at cultural mandate. They tried to go along their own way until one day the world swallow him up and he was left to the pigs. That was when Pastor starts to get into his message. The prodigal son had a revelation of his Self-Concept. Before he conceptualize himself as a person who is good for nothing, dwelling in sin and thus his self-esteem was affected. However, in the pig sty, he found a new concept in himself. He had revelation on his self-concept as being the servant of his fathers house and he was willing to humble himself to go for it.

This potrayal is exactly how most of us went through. We maybe in our pig sty, right now, the circumstance is not to our favour, and we want to just give up, fall into depression and get trapped in our mind. That is exactly what the devil wants you to be in, a state of loss and low self-esteem.

But here is the good news. The prodigal son all of a sudden went into a state of new self-concept. He remembered that he was part of his father's house and although he knew he sinned, he still humbled himself and look forward to going to his father's hiouse and join his servants. The prodigal son had a new World View and where did he thought of this? Right where he was, in the pig sty!

Our self-concept is the image of God, where we are created to be in his likeness, his true nature. Whatever God hates, we hated as well. Whatever God likes we like it too. And whatever mindset God has, we can have it too. In the middle of circumstances unfavourable to you, you display a faith, a cosmology, a world view, a biblical world view, a new self-concept that you are the image of God. You can speak to your situation, face adversaries without fear but with faith. Stay humble and with a serving attitude, and to overcome obstacles in life, why? Because you are the image of God. That is the self-concept that we should have. And because we have this self-concept, it is time to narrow it down to your self-esteem. Because by knowing that you are made in the image of God, you find yourself boosting the self-esteem in you. Once you felt lousy, now its time to close in the gap of self-concept and self-esteem so that we can be a light despite the darkness, form relationships like never before, keep the faith and to have visions out of this world. To be living the cultural mandate where Christ is in our Culture.

Welcome to the light at the end of the Tunnel of Low Valley...

2010-04-26T12:51:00.002+08:00

Its been a while since I've finally felt positive... I can't say army life is still comfortable, but I know that at least God is with me. And because of that, I can finally exit out of the dark tunnel and into the light. But I'm still inside the valley called army. Just have to keep walking.

I remember Pst Kong talking about the valley of dry bones. How I felt exactly like the dry bones. Dry in terms of spiritual, in terms of relationships, in terms of love for one another. I must have missed many opportunities from my 'depression' state I have been through. I feel that I could have done better in my situation, I should have ignored the circumstance and focus on what really matters and what needs to be done.

I've learned my lesson, although there may be a period where I will sink again, but I hope that by reading this message, I would know that I have went through my valley, but do not waste, the Talent God has given you.

2010-04-20T18:28:00.002+08:00

My circumstance has not improved at all. Reluctantly I serve my country in this very company. What ever that I have gone through in SISPEC never prepared me for this. I can't say I'm happy neither am I sad, coz the sadness just turned to numbness. Depressing thoughts still come, but in the end, I knew that it was useless to talk about it or even bring it up so I shut it up inside. Just like my old times.

My every bad habit has returned to me. I want to be stronger, but in the end I just became the stupidity of the company commanders. I do not gain much respect from them, neither do I really stand out. After all, I'm a new Platoon Sergeant. Then why does FP get better attention? Because he was pretty strict? Because he is more sociable to them then I was? Must I be the ultimate slack to gain their attention?

Letting my emotions go have been helpful, but barely, as the problem of the matter can never be removed. If that is the case, then I cannot make that person be the problem or else it will be an eternal problem, which would hinder the path to great destiny.

Then again why would I care for destiny. I'm tired of all this fucking around. Of all this trash that was thrown at my feet. I can't click with them. At all. Bunch of maggots all of them. Which makes me one too in the sight of them.

Finding Gratitude, Getting Respect, Releasing Forgiveness...

2010-03-31T12:28:00.002+08:00

Clement. This word in the dictionary mentions about being merciful. I can't help but repeat this portion about myself. Because it is totally true. I'm too merciful. I realised this since young. I've always helped people who are in need, feeling a little generous, but definately very gullible.

I realise within my time so far ever since in NS, that I am easily manipulated. I can't help but just agree to do work that others refused to do. In other words, I was always tasked to do things that are not in my jurisdiction, my job-scope, to carry out. Sometimes I feel like a peice of meat just being cut to pieces bit by bit and giving it away to other people to just eat me up. That is how I friggin hate myself for. Its like a gift and a curse, my name. To be merciful is suppose to be a positive effect, but to a certain degree being overly merciful causes me to have conflict with the other commanders. I can't work together with them at all.

I have a working style which I guess they hated me for it! How I know this? I guess I am naggy when it comes to reminding people of their task and what to do because they gave me trust issues as well as that they don't really carry my instructions out eventually. That's why I remind them, NICELY too.

But the response I get, especially from my "older" peers like Ridzwan made me think that my instructions are insignificant and totally bogus. Like I am useless arse and should not listen to me at all. I guess that he can tell that I don't really fit this position well as a PS. Once I used my own initiative to tell OC that if we are needed at the Lecture Theatre and eventually we don't have to be, he got pissed at me for not informing him and for 'over-stepping' his authority and to leave him there sitting with OC in a lecture theatre. Although he reminded us of the upcoming activities as well, I never once complained. So what is his bloody problem? What is my own Bloody problem? Why am I given a role as a PS in the first place? I question myself many times. I think so far all my post on this blog is questioning that phrase. I can really tell and I guess for my friends who read my blogs so far can agree that I really hate this job. I rather be a section commander, doing duties but at least I don't have to arrow people and I can concentrate on my section. I function in an environment where people praise me for my good work, who listens to my suggestions and at least considered my suggestions for awhile. I am not the kind of person that just throws away your suggestions before you can even give it. I will consider, I will even reason with you and talk to you about it before I start to derive a conclusion. I hate to issue orders, to give people work to do, to lead people unless they are motivated and know what are the objectives that need to be completed. I guess that is where I really need to work on, to motivate a bunch of unmotivated individuals to do your bidding BUT it is for their benefit and for good cause as well.

As I keep writing, the less frustrated I have become but yet the longing to just get the bloody hell out of here is still getting stronger and subsequently, I can feel the breaking point coming soon. I guess this is the greatest test so far in my whole NS life. It is the worse kind of life and also the life on a stupid island has also rendered me into stupidity soon enough.

Puh-leese... GROW UP!

2010-03-30T10:38:00.005+08:00

My least favourite letters. R E C. Its the initials for a rank called Recruits. Bunch of Maggots all of them. Attend C for nearly the whole week this week. Surprisingly, manpower expects us to perform with these bunch of low-lifes. Despite their A level backgrounds, they are physically weak, which is understandable... BUT. They are FRIGGIN WEAK IN THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM! As well as their MENTAL STATE! Totally, no Fighting Spirit. I can't help but think, did their parents even do anything to prep their sons for Army?

However I believe strongly, that physicality, mentality is just the small percentage that plays a part. But the one thing that really, really, determines if you are good, that you are somehow capable, is the ATTITUDE.

If you have an excellent attitude, anything is possible. If you can't solve the problem, there is always another form of solution, its just that you have not thought of it yet. If you have a positive attitude towards the adversity you faced, with every situation you will turn it around to your favour. But it all starts from YOU.

Your ATTITUDE determines your ALTITUDE.

The Horizon never Looked so Bleak...

2010-03-25T21:59:00.002+08:00

I understand the power of change, but it has to change for the better, and not worse. OC likes to go down the chain of command in meetings. He likes to take our disagreements and flung it out the window. He seems as if conceiving our ideas will just bring more problems to his life. Its not like ideas will kill unless its something big.

Arrows are flying, officers and specialist have a wall. Well, at least for me. I can't really talk to my PC at all. We are just too different. Although, we have common interest in the guitar, but I just can't comprehend and understand why he does things this way.

Firstly, he didn't give me a vision of the platoon, I had to do it. I used my Male by Birth, Man by Choice motto to get the party going. But that is as far as my mission goes. To improve dramatically, there is a need to expand on our horizons and see the future from where we stand. Also to execute it and bring it to fruition. But what stops this growth is something that humans will always have. The FUN factor. If it is not utilized, it will be hell on Earth.

Secondly, he is a follower, like me. He follows everything OC gives him, which is a little wrong. After the time when he mentioned he wanted to let these group have unit form of training, I knew, immediately, where the flaw lies. He expects them to be soldiers already right after the two weeks confinement week. Then every idea he just take it in. Sure you can take it in which leads me to my third point.

He did not show much Respect to us specs. He wouldn't even talk to us about this. Sometimes its also because of our CSM. I tried to work with him. I really do. I can't understand how Encik Ong, is able to tahan 'Double J' and still work together with him. He is always arrowing me, his PS, and because there is a P in front, we are always mistaken to be the PA to the PC.

OC? Much to talk about. He is apparently being the worst nightmare for every person in Viper right now. I don't see how UP it is anymore, I don't see how we are relevant to the local boys... Although some of his attentions are good, but I felt that it was unreasonble.

2010-03-23T12:33:00.002+08:00

I've felt that I have been disillusioned that everything will work out my way. I have been disappointed many times because I asked for things that people are not motivated to do.

I have a fellow spec, who told me that he does not have the motivation to even do his work anymore. Highly likely because he also knows that the army is a place where nothing really flourishes, routine and full of laws and regulations which is nonsensical to him.

Another spec of mine only cares about his ORD, sticks to his BUNK most of the time and will only communicate to the recruits in a soft and kind manner. Not saying that he can't be nice, but I'm wishing for him to be not too nice to them. But his attitude to army is to just do the bare minimal and to slack, get out of the radar and to enjoy his bunk experience during OFFICE HOURS.

Then again, out of the two specs under me, the first one at least listens to what I want and is willing to 'HELP OUT'. Whereas the other, is sometimes motivated to do and other times, if I don't tell him to do he won't do. And even if I do not tell him to do, he will do his own way and sometimes he overrides whatever instruction I gave to him.

This is probably what the problem lies. Within my specs and the management of the company. This is probably the only thing that pisses me off and got me disappointed many times. Because of such people I feel demoralised in doing the things that I need to do and I for one felt burnt out at the amount of admin work I have to do.

Then again, I have crazy expectations towards my own people, knowing Viper to be a very shiong company, I thought that the specs were up. But no. Once new management comes in, they took advantage of the situation and change their style altogether. Although Viper is still sort of shiong to the rest, to me, I felt that our substance is slowly waning and changing. Though I'm not sure if its for the better and all that but then again, we are only Specs.

2010-03-17T11:59:00.002+08:00

I think I see a trend here. Apparently, whenever I try to put a little initiative, it causes other people to be bothered and angry. And reacting to that, I mellowed down and was in turn, screwed for speaking up. Maybe I really, really think too much. But that's what kept me going, thinking for the recruits welfare, trying to keep it in the flow. Wanting to not cause others extra trouble and work to do. And ultimately, I derived to the conclusion, WHAT THE FUCK IS RIGHT AND WRONG???

I totally agree that army is the worst place for creativity to flourish. In terms of leadership wise, there are many things we cannot do, many things to follow by and many things to commit by. The Heirachy system, overides everything I have ever came up, and despises all the actions I have done so far. So should I stop being nice? Should I stop thinking? Should I stop being a 'jerk' to others? SHOULD I LEAVE THE COMPANY?

I think I came to this conclusion many times especially with the new OC inside. My new PC likes to give me more trouble and work, but not more welfare and rest. I in turn have no choice but to give my section commanders the job. I hate delegating jobs. I really think that as a PS, I have failed. I can't think otherwise for people getting pissed at me, and I see loads of PSes and how I felt pissed about them because of their own actions. I think about how as a PS I can motivate my recruits but I can't do it. I don't have the substance, the height, the calibre... It seems I was choosen on a wimp. I couldn't survive in my environment any longer. I feel stifled, insecure and totally irrelevant. I finally understand, what it means to be a sandwich.

I hate Army Life.

Fresh Blood, Frest Start!

2010-03-06T12:36:00.000+08:00

Today, the new recruits of Viper will be arriving! MUAHAHAHA! Ok the evil laugh is not neccessary, but I can't help it. Then again, I have to always remind myself that they will be under my charge, I can't just anyhow treat them like dirt. I am going to make this very clear, every action has a consequence. If I choose to be soft, I'm sure the consequence would mean disrespect from the platoon and eventually lose control of the platoon. I can't afford to be soft anymore. Got to be more vocal to the new people.

Now I have my own stand on the stand by area stuff. I hope that I can get through with this enlistment quickly and swiftly. Got to go, I bet they are arriving soon. Got to prepare loads of shit for them.

I'm Desperate?

2010-02-15T19:59:00.003+08:00

Maybe I am. After all, I did made that vow to never have a relationship with other ladies. As in get into a 'steady' relationship with them.

Pathetic? Well, one of the reasons why I did it its because I want to focus on my studies. Then I realize after polytechnic it will be my National Service and I have heard of the 'tragic' stories of NSFs who had girlfriends. Like one time my buddy actually had Girlfriend problems because he is stuck on Tekong after all. I do not know what the issue is, but I can guess that he is not getting along well at all in terms of his relationships. Although I can answer why that is so, it has got nothing to do with NS I believe. Then again who am I to butt into their problems. Its best I stick my nose out of it.

However, recently, my eyes are roving EVERYWHERE! Even this CNY, when I went to visit the relatives house, my eyes just went for the various girls that turn up at the house. I found myself 'checking them out' and after a while I realize what I was doing, I bounced my eyes. But I just couldn't resist the urge to look again.

That pretty much is normal! Some guys may scream. That I totally agree, but I believe that as men, we have to control this side of us. I tend to understand why is it some men do commit the crime of rape and molestation. Because they can not control this urge for sex which is build in us after all by our God. But because of Lust we have to discipline alot in that area.

I felt that it was getting worse for me. The feelings just get stronger with every couple I see each day on the MRT. I guess I am desperate. But I am not a fool to rush into things. I really pray that I will find the one for me. Soon.

Ponder The Future... Embrace the Present...

2010-02-03T21:01:00.002+08:00

This time around, I 've came to a conclusion. That I am just human. But that doesn't make it an excuse that I cannot have an excellent spirit. I can't emphasize more on this Excellent Spirit because I totally believed in it. If you don't have it, that's because you can't be bothered. I have been wallowing AGAIN in self pity. Its not the first time that I have done so. But every I time I went through such a time, I found my inner strength once again.

Criticisms will come. Failure will come. But what matters is how we handle it AFTER it happens. That is the meaning behind my title. Ponder the Future... Because if we don't how do we even perform at our best? If you do not consider the future of your platoon, your stores, or even your life, then how do you expect yourself to even BE that future. We must live by the 4th Dimension Thinking.

To Visualize, Speak, Belief and Actionise your goals. That will be the key to most of your success. Remember genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration. You have a thought, that's good. But you live it out, that's even BETTER. So don't give up on your dreams and visions. Don't give up even when your world is tumbling down. I've been there, done that, but I have not learn from my mistake. I do not want anybody to get caught in my cycle.

I Embrace the Present, by being myself for who I am today. I can't help but be myself. Since I am more myself in my christian environment, I am trying to replicate my secret place in camp. I can't survive without my God. I need to Embrace him now, if I were to even survive in this island of isolation. Its a totally different world on its own. And I do not like the fact that I have to suffer emotionally, spiritually in this place. I can't afford to be like THEM. The Old Viper Specs and Officers. I have to be, ME.

Although I agree a lot on what OC is doing, but he can be a little inflexible. Just like me. So I can somehow identify and understand what he's going through. Today, after giving a lecture on our Viper Behavior, I can see that some of us still cannot 'Wake up' or 'Open their Eyes' to what is going on with them. That leaves me to be the mediator. I hope that my fellow specs will understand his intentions and also accept him as the OC and he will always be for the next 2 years.

God has been faithful, and its time I start being faithful to Him.

Identity Crisis... Who in the world am I now?

2010-01-21T13:26:00.002+08:00

I have been asking the same question over the past 2 weeks and its been haunting me. Ever since I had the interview with a PC, I can't seem to draw any real confidence when it comes to making friends with the whole lot at V coy. Sure, I love the 'Up' Lifestyle, because it is a reflection of how my church will be and will always be. I like to influence with the given authority by SAF to inspire new recruits with the things that I learned in church. But I still feel that I am not really a 'commander' person. I don't put on a strong front like the way Ridzwan does, or not as fit as Joshua that could give the platoon punishments worthy of his fitness. Neither am I Fei Peng, who is both fitness and puts up a strong front. I am not like them.

I was compared to Ridzwan in terms of commandership and having that sort of personality. I understand that as commanders we have to appear strong-willed and confident, but how can I do so, when I have not what Ridzwan had or even Josh had, or even FP had. I have been searching for answers about myself and all I get is more questions that torment my very being, and voices in my head telling me that I can't live up to my job. I let people climb over me, why? Because I do not like to impose authority to others as it constricts relationships with one another and I myself haven't really been in their kind of shoes. I don't club, I don't drink, I hate saying vulgarities. I am soft-spoken because I realized what my loud tone of voice did and it will get out of control. But that is what we need to do in order to transfer instructions.

Then people say that I should not listen to the older generation and what they think. That I should do whatever I think its right and of my own style as well as BE MYSELF. Now that is rather misleading, sometimes being myself doesn't make me a Platoon Sergeant. I start questioning on what BEING MYSELF really meant, and I just can't find it. Probably because all this time I have been putting on a mask. All this time I have placed on my face many mask that now, I don't really have much of a personality. If personalities change in my often, I feel that I have been faking myself for the past like 20 years. But thats Impossible! As I write this all down, I began to think what I wrote over the past 2 paragraphs could just be utterly rubbish, or between the lines of all those depressing and lost statements, lie my true self. I am depressed. I am happy at the most trivial things. I enjoy being an introvert and do not mind extrovert activities. I like challenging things but do not like to execute much of it. I like to give ideas and letting people acknowledge it was a good idea, but most of the time they were just ignored. I tried to talk to people, but I can't because I am tongue-tied on my words and can never speak my mind.

Identity Crisis is the worst form of punishment for a guy or girl to take. It just makes me feel that I have no purpose in my life at all...

Discovered Limitation = Breakthrough Revelation

2010-01-17T22:07:00.003+08:00

Why the above equation? I have been doing a lot of thinking. Possibly the only good thing about BMT is that you really have nothing to do when you are on 'lau', but I make it up by thinking through what I really need to do or want to achieve within this year. Apart from pastor Kong sharing on how he discovered that people's views and influence affect his Faith to dream bigger and do bigger stuff, I realise I have been affected the same way. Only, I do need the techniques to be a changed person.

I realized that by voicing out, or being vocal, actually makes you look confident. I really thought it was about arrogance and that if I voice out, I will seem like I'm trying to 'wayang'. I was always reminded by my best friend, that I must not have the mentality to please other people. Realizing is one thing, but to put it to action, I have to do it on my own.

Limitations are put by people's views upon you. You have to break out of their confession on you and only yourself is able to counter it with your OWN confession of what you want to be. Sometimes it is just Yourself confessing the negative that gets us limited in everything we do. I can't help but feel a new faith in me. I wish to be a person of destiny, of influence and of righteousness. I want to spread this on to my recruits.

New Year... One Year... Goals for the future!

2010-01-06T21:06:00.002+08:00

I've decided to pen down my "unrefined" goals for 2010! Here are the few that I have considered, but haven't really planned on my SMARTER Goals Card.

-Build up physical strength and endurance

-Find a way for extra income

-Save up at least 500 bucks per month, hope so.

-do not eat snacks!

-IPPT Gold ASAP!!! Like once I'm given the go ahead for my second year IPPT.

-Must get MARKSMEN for my range

-Lead with Confidence and Garang-ness, but do not compromise safety and mission.

-Be less rebellious to my family members especially my mom...

-Be cunning as a viper, gentle as a dove.

-Make a decision based on research of the various art schools I have been looking by the end of this year.

-Devise a plan and timetable for my routine so that I will follow and not go out of place.

-Able to relate to others, but not let their emotions and mine get the better of me.

-Spend more time with my fellow cell group members. Although its hard since I am stranded on an island, but I really hope to get my civilian life back in check soon!

-Oh yeah... Look for potential girlfriends...

-Lastly and most importantly, get my life RIGHT with God and walk his path once again. And to maintain and to hold my tongue for every vulgarity I am about to speak.

There is actually more to that... But I can't remember it all.

BoA - I Did It For Love - Music Video

2009-12-20T22:58:00.001+08:00

Dance dance and dance!!!

BoA(보아)_Energetic_MusicVideo

2009-12-17T23:34:00.001+08:00

Love this video!!! Boa is so fluid in her dance! Ultimate dance guru!

D & D Madness!

2009-12-12T10:08:00.002+08:00

I can officially say that I have a taste of how clubbing is like when I went for this D & D. The school was having an anniversary dinner for school 2. There was some emceeing and performances as well as games, but non can be compared, yes even the mask changing performance, to the girls that came up to dance on stage. They were of course in their scantily clad club wear, and they started dancing, then all of a sudden, they start grabbing people up on stage. The lucky guys were given a lap dance and even an up close dance with them.

I was one of the people that got "dragged" up. I mean, I won't resist because I felt that it was something that I need to break, this limit of having fun. So I took it up a notch, allowed myself to dance with this beautiful babe. At first I did not really know what to do. I told the lady I was not a dancer and she just told me to just move. I looked at the way she moved and I just tried to mimic, then in the end I just let it go, I just dance.

The feeling waved over me as I dance in however manner I want, I couldn't care less what people say or think at that point in time, I just want to dance with this lady. After grooving for awhile, she complimented me, that I CAN dance. That was what blew me away.

Ok, I am a sucker to such things. Words of affirmation, that comes from a hot babe and she is dancing, moving her body naturally and with sex appeal oozing from everywhere. I was thrilled, excited. It was my first time, dancing naturally on the stage, with a Hot Babe in front of me, having fun just grooving with the music. It was one of the most fun D & D's I've ever had.

I guess its time I let myself go. Its been so long since I've done so. My problem was always in the area of balancing. I can work hard but can't let go. I have to learn and practice this side of me more often...

POP for 04/09!!! My First Batch Officially Over!

2009-12-09T15:57:00.002+08:00

Here I am sitting at home, blogging about the current events and the attitudes I have developed as I stayed in Viper Company. At first, I couldn't cope with the company, or at least I tried to keep up, and by doing so, I have neglected my sleep, my movements have become sharper and I was tested constantly because of my own weak mind.

But now I can say that it has finally turn out for the better. I can't believe my OC and CSM will be posting out after this batch. And what a big change to a company who is going to be totally refurbished in terms of management and even methods of teaching. I will be the next Platoon Sergeant definitely, and I have a very long way to go. The two anchors of the company are going to leave, it is up to all the PS, including me and Fei Peng to keep the company anchored, the Viper culture anchored and to keep on keeping on, if not, improve the Viper culture. My test will come even stronger even greater, and I have decided to step up to it.

I am proud of my section. When they first came in, I taught them what is to be a Male by Birth, and man by Choice... I taught them first on focusing on the little things in life, that will eventually lead to success. I taught them about not giving up, to think positive as much as possible, to be garang, to sing, to be a person of character. The results? I have silver and even a IPPT gold in my section. One of them even passed the SOC where in my platoon only 2 passed. Add on to that, there are three people in my section who became the top 5 of our platoon, that shows how motivated my people are and what impact I have done in their lives.

Personally, I am proud of them. I wish them all the best and I hope to influence more people with the mindset I try to set, and that is the Spirit of Excellence. I find much of this spirit is lacking in our society, so I wish to enforce it and I pray that my God will mould my platoon according to his will...

I JUST WANT YOU - Planetshakers cover

2009-12-01T20:01:00.001+08:00

I cant believe I did not share this. This video was taken during my time when I was still training to be a sergeant. It was one of my better singing voice in this video. Although the front screwed up abit, but still its one of the better ones.

Hear our Cry - CHC Band cover (Writings on the Wall album)

2009-12-01T19:59:00.001+08:00

Here is another song from the new album by CHC. Enjoy.

Beautiful - CHC Band Acoustic

2009-12-01T19:58:00.001+08:00

Finally I have resumed my covers! Although I have been adjusting to my new environment, I managed to find time to play. This is Beautiful by CHC band.

December 1 and Visionary Spotlights

2009-12-01T16:04:00.002+08:00

Its the last week before the actual POP week for the recruits. It will also be our 'lau' period by the end of the phase. Now, left with GP parade and the 24 click route march on our hands, I hope that every recruit can pass out in peace and I hope they take back whatever I have said. Male by birth, man by choice.

I know that I have been complaining over the past few weeks. But perhaps, it was all for the better. I am not really happy at all, honestly, since I've stepped into Viper. Yet, I can see myself a new purpose, a new vision for myself as I started being an instructor there. Even with certain signs shown by the OC, that made me think that I can be what he requires from me.

The OC has taken me aside to talk about me being a platoon sergeant. Even my PC has approached me about it. After speaking to OC, I realise that inevitably, I will become one, because of the certain traits he highlighted about me. He said I was responsible. To me, I don't see how responsible am I compared to other commanders around me. Then he felt that I have the calibre to become a platoon sergeant, and he said that it would be a waste if I became a Armskote spec or even a signal spec, because I had what it takes to be a PS.
"So how do you feel, Clement." He asked.

I replied him truthfully at that point in time, that I was honoured for being considered to be a PS, but I fear the extreme responsibilities that a PS must shoulder. That was word for word that I remembered. Yet there was another side of me, I am not really the kind that screws recruits because their bunk is untidy, I am the kind that screws people when their character stank, and they just would not work together. I am particular of grooming people, not torturing them for no reason. I don't F recruits, I punish, correct and observe for changes. I am not a Joshua, or a Ridzwan, neither am I as soft as Suhairi, maybe, I am a Ming Liang for some of the traits. In other words, I can only be myself. With my own values running alongside my show, if I am PS.

Focus vision is what I need to make my sense of belonging. No one else can do it for me, only I must put the effort.

Confused to the Max...

2009-11-22T13:08:00.003+08:00

I feel pretty much empty these past few weeks.

I would be putting all my white lie face, saying that everything's ok. Everything is going well, I don't mind making the sacrifice, these are my white lies for the past 3 weeks. I don't feel belonged at all, whether in cell group, in viper coy, at home, with my relatives, even in Church. Its like a whole new void altogether being formed in my soul, and the devil is laughing from the shadows as he see me struggle with my own personality, character, breaking down in front of him. I hated it that I have let the devil win this area over me.

I can't stand it that the fact whenever I pray, someone just steps into the room and I can't lock it. Its been like this since I have been in Tekong. I tried to get to my routine of praying. But I can't. I want to do my own things, I can't. Others can have their off days and all that, they all took up the space, leaving me, with nothing. I hate to inconvenience others, but by doing so, I have just inconvenienced myself. Such is what bullying is all about. I can't make the stand to say that I want to have my off day. When I feel that I am doing something which is selfish, I just won't do it. I can tell if I'm being selfish, which I believe its definately a character refined from God. But even so, I feel that this part of me is taking away all my privilages, my offs and my rest time. I wish I knew what was right and wrong in the place that I am in.

There is freedom in commandership, but that is precisely why I can't see the right way. Talk about standardization, talk about being good commanders, talk about doing the right things yet people still do the wrong things. SO WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO FOLLOW!!!

Army Journey VIPER Coy: Whole lot Knock it Down...

2009-11-01T18:20:00.002+08:00

As I stepped into Viper Coy in BMT, my first thought was, I should be able to live in this coy. The first reaction the moment I enter was a shout of welcome and people all start jumping and hooting.

Little did I know what it means to be the 'new' guy. The shit starts hitting me as I progress through my first ever PTP batch. There isn't really much to say about life at Viper as the OC is rather demanding. But if he doesn't demand the standard, then we might as well live life carefree and whatever we want to do. That is so, so wrong. So far being in Viper has been a positive experience. I've been doing my job well, mostly to the best of my abilities.

As I am new to the whole instructional tour, I still feel the uneasiness of not fitting in totally to the coy. I guess as time passes, I will be able to express my own thoughts soon to whatever planned activities there are in future.

Personally, I love my platoon 3. Especially finally when 2 of our High Key events were fianlly done. I pray that platoon 3 will continue to perform and stick with the attendence.

I just realized I only knock the platoon down only when certain safety or standards are compromised. But comparing to other commanders, I don't really do excess punishments, because I know that if I can't even do the punishment, why even implement it on the recruit. But hey this are just commanders woes. I hope to strive to be my own commander. Nope, I'm not going to aim for best commander, but to be a respectable commander who not only get things done, but keeps the platoon motivated and together. I can never be like my fellow sec com, Mahatir, but he is a very good sec com. If I were to learn one or two things from him it would be the way he instills motivation to the platoon.

So far, the army journey is gradually getting from high on the graph to low... as the days start counting down once I hit next year.

Maturity, a Factor of Men's Character

2009-10-17T15:24:00.002+08:00

Maturity is something men usually lack, or fail to showcase at the appropriate times. Most of the time we just goof off and want to slack more than anything else. Anything that is fun or is pleasurable, the men are thus motivated to perform with utmost execution.

So what exactly is maturity? I was told that your Maturity is determined by the capacity of handling your responsibility. I agree totally to this sentence and from maturity we can definitely handle more task, execute the plan without hesitation, and even perform well despite the fact that you hated the task.

Of course, the rewards don't really come that easily. Not everything you do is worth a reward, but yet its necessary. In fact, if you ask me the reward for handling your responsibility is the making of character and safety in your own life as well as others. That to me is the best reward.

I have this friend, who always wants to escape from his responsibilities. He will tell me of how to get away from this problem, or that duty and won't even try to think of a solution. Even if he did think of one, he practically tried to push the blame to others. Would you deemed this maturity? Would you even deemed him trustworthy enough to perform the task in future. I think not.

I can't say that he's not the only one. Everybody is looking for a way out, a short cut to earning money, saving time and wanting to relax. Nobody will take the stressful path, or the narrow way as the bible puts it. After all, it inconveniences you, makes you vulnerable. But ultimately as you take that path, as Christians we all agree, that the destination is secured. Although you are pressed on all sides on your Journey, always remember that this narrow road you have been taking, will eventually lead you to your destiny and to the plans that God has planned for you.

But I don't want to follow the will of God! I would say sometimes, I just want my desires to be fulfilled, I don't want that narrow path, why take the narrow one when there is a wider path with better security and less risk? Just slack la! This could be the conversation of your thoughts within our brains. But that is how I can distinguish 'mature' Christians to shallow and thoughtless Christians. They are still Christians, but they can't be bothered to even rise up. Especially the men.

I have a burden for the men out there. All the Christians in army that seem to think they have fallen behind in their relationship with God through the army experience. I want to show an example, that I have made it through with not by my strength but by the Spirit of God, which He has done for me so far and I believe he will continue to shine in my life. I pray that I can influence my fellow recruits to be stronger, to be enduring, to stay in discipline, to witness that they are men and not a boy anymore. We can play, but when we are serious, we will perform.

Reflection statement

2009-09-26T12:58:00.002+08:00

I guess its just normal for a blog post to sound so much like a diary. Updating your post means you are still alive somehow on this world and the messages placed in a blog are usually useless things about the person's life and his or her encounters. Like what time they eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, what was their day, what happened etc.

To me, blogging is somehow a reflection. Not so much of diary, but to let my self understand my own thoughts brought down to words.

Being a commander is totally different then a leader. A leader is something that ANYONE can be. A Commander however, holds the Authority. Something which I've noticed over the past 2 weeks as a sergeant. Honestly, army is a bore to most of us Singaporeans. Why? Being 'forced' to serve this 2 years of our life in the army. However, not everybody regretted the experience.

9 months of army has made my thinking different. Commander authority is not just the rank, its you. You earned the authority, you have to show the authority. Somehow, I realized my weakness in this. I can't really shout my feelings, I can write it down, I can think it, but I can't express through speaking, which could be my downfall. Also, I am a 'nice' sergeant to my rec. I have been nice already. Compared to my other fellow colleagues, I just can't be the nasty guy.

But somehow, certain things allow me to shout, like not taking care of equipment, not taking care of the little things in their bunks. To clean up the areas needed for cleaning. I've already told my section about that. I hope to be able to start giving them more motivation as they began their 3rd week in army.

Army Journey - Back to BMT: Spec-ulation...

2009-09-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

So what is moral standards? What is integrity? By playing by the rules? Sticking to the plan? Sticking to the standards? Or just throw that all away and be wild and free? Not caring for what is to come or what your actions will lead to some consequence which may affect others?

I've struggled with this. Peer pressure is always the problem to my decisions. On this day, 09/09/09, is where I want to make a stand. Sergeant is just a rank, but with it comes Great Responsibility as well. This does not give you excuses that you will wake up late, do not account for strength, not meeting the timing, not to march even when you are on course. I really hate that! Its like specs are given more freedom then officers? For Pete's sake, spare me all their non-sense. Somehow, not many of the commanders with me here are not even SERIOUS about this. Gentlemen, recruits will be under your care. You want to 'show' me that you are screwed up, fine. But do not screw yourselves up in front of the Recruits. If not how you lead by example? Wayang? Maybe. But its better than not giving a good impression from the recruits. Maybe you can talk to them because you are not so regimental, but they most likely won't trust you.

I must say that sometimes we have to be flexible, but not to the extent you lower the standards. In fact, the only reason why I am flexible, is because I TRUST that whether you are recruit or spec, you can get it done, you can do your duties properly, then we can talk about letting you sleep more and you are able to wake up and go down in 5 minutes for accounting of strength.

For me... Its time I practiced discipline in my exercise. Will be confined this week due to PTP batch. Hope to return to Singapore soon.

Army Journey - Back to BMTC : New Reformation, New Jobs for BMT Sergeants...

2009-09-05T02:06:00.003+08:00

Chapter 1 of this new phase is the transition from Trainee to finally a Commander.

My fellow commanders-in-training all are still naive about one thing. That the BMTC Sergeants are KING over there. Perhaps the old way was like that. Now after hearing things from the BMTC HQ higher ups and the new things being implemented, I can safely say "WOW".

Next time, we 3SGs are no longer Kings, we will be with our men literally, just like unit people. Only difference? We act as instructors too, but the other side, the section commander side of us, cannot just throw it away. New challenges arises from my batch as BMTC is undergoing major restructuring. Many problems are going to occur and I can only pray that it won't be too complicated for all of us to accomplish.

I understand that we all have to do our duties, I am worried for the fact that the amount of duties I have done are so minimal. In fact, I have only done COS duty only ONCE in my current Army life. And from BMT all the way till now, I have not done a single, Guard Duty.

Count myself lucky? Well at that time I felt that way. Now I am back to the sunny island of Tekong I feel that I lack the experience on what Guard commanders do.

But I guess the main worry is the part that we will be leading our men out there in the field. And I thought I could throw away most of my knowledge back to SISPEC. But No, we can't. If we do so we will be digging our own burial ground instead of a shellscrape.

Truly, these are exciting times, even the BMTC HQ Commander, mentioned the thing on Servanthood Leadership. Now this term is actually Biblical. That caught my attention. Perhaps I'm moving along in God's Plan and Now is the time to really shine for God. Influencing and Inspiring the recruits to become better MAN and to be strong.

Updates for August!

2009-08-24T21:58:00.002+08:00

Its been a long 3 weeks. Where was I? I was in Taiwan for training. Although I can't really say much details but I just want to say that it was a time of trials and tribulations. A time of great testing of mental as well as an experience I can say is once in a lifetime.

It was all by the grace of God. I really couldn't survive without Him. I confide in Him when I have the chance, even if I had not done so due to the army's regimental ways, God still keeps me in good health, in shape as well as able to go through all the exercises. I participated in everything.

Even before exercise Warrior, which happened to be the finale field camp, I was struck by fear. Fear that I can't carry on due to the summer heat and we had to chiong sua in that heat. I know myself, that I tend to blame others or argue back the things that I do. In other words, I always did not admit my mistakes. I feel that the lowest pits even before Warrior even started.

Looking back, I find it very foolish of me to worry even before it started. I suppose this is one of the things that God wants me to face up to. Although I cried for fear. I realised my tears were shed in vain, because I serve a God who is BIGGER than the exercise. I can finally look at a new perspective and come out stronger then ever before.

I have only SOC to clear. Once this is completed is POP LOH!!!

Other than the updates, I would like to thank my family and friends who encouraged me during my difficult period of thinking depressing thoughts before a major exercise. I should have looked on with a positive attitude all the time.

21st Birthday Blues...

2009-07-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

Finally I turn 21!

Many things happened on my Birthday. Though most are not pleasent... First things first, I still failed my SOC. Its been pretty tiring to keep hearing from others that I still failed this stupid and pointless test.

Then right after that, all the LSC's got a meeting from our Staff, to address on the issue of not eating breakfast in the morning for some of the people in the bunks. He even summoned to two offenders to the office room. One of them happened to be in my Section. I have wasted my breathe trying to talk through him. Up till now I still can't believe why is he still inside ASLC.. Or even to be training to become a sergent at all.

Other then that, the only good thing or at least to me, was the briefing on our upcoming Exercise in Taiwan. I can't really mention much, but the R&R is what I have been looking forward to. From the briefing I understand that the training schedule is pretty hectic. In fact, I predict that we won't have much admin rest time at all. All I know is, many measures were taken to ensure our body is to be taken care of, also that we have to shit properly at the right places. All the disciplines have to be followed or face the consequences. I can't wait for the end of the exercise!

Then today, after all the inspection was done, we can finally book out to go home. After slacking at home for awhile, I went out with my family for a little supper. When we reached home, guess what. The house was all covered in smoke. My mom immediately realized that she forgotten to turn of the stove. Wow. If we were home any later, I do not know how disastrous it would have become.

Anyway, this is my birthday. Not very grand, not much presents, not much company as well. Abit disappointed that my own parents forgotten that today was my actual birthday. I actually noticed that my birthday's are like that these few years. Either I am turning invisible, or my birthdays don't matter much anymore. Nevertheless, though all these things happen, I will praise God for bringing me to where I've been for the pass 21 years.

Too many ups and downs before I reached to where I am right now. I know I still needed to mold myself even more, I am not confident enough to lead anyone yet. Even today as I tried to take charge no one listens. I shout, I get cold feedback but at least they start to move faster. Sometimes I want to break the cycle, but its just too hard when people are just not cooperative to the purpose or this course.

Well, so much for my 21st Birthday...

Lady GaGa - Poker Face (Acoustic - Live)

2009-07-27T13:05:00.001+08:00

You thought Lady Gaga's Song is all about computerized techno? Well check her out! Pokerface acoustic! I will always love acoustic versions!

21st Birthday Celebration!

2009-07-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

A New Era is Born...

Indeed it has. I agreed totally to the slogan on the card I received from my cell group friends. Thanks for the shirt guys it was nice. Somehow, during this whole birthday thing, I wanted it to be different.

Most 21st Birthday are about 'Keys' to Freedom. But my cake is a guitar, which raised many questions among my family and relatives. But what is wrong with a guitar? I love that instrument. Besides, every 21st Birthday, their cakes are either keys or just plain square cakes. I like to be different than others, I don't care what people say anymore. Because the more I do so, I will start to 'please' them. So often its actually quite harmful. I got to learn when to not heed the words they say and learn to know when can I 'throw' them away.

Overall, it was a good celebration. Met my old friends and even got to see my former cell group members and hearing their laughter and the things they shared with one another... It brings back memories. I actually took a trip down memory lane today, as I see my friends, relatives and even the events that I've went through. Personally, I feel nostalgic, a little sad, happy that I am 21, but still a little hard to believe, that I am 21. I am a matured adult? Maybe, in terms of certain responsibilities brought to light. But I feel that I still have a long way to go. There are more things needed to be done, more stuff to complete and meet the dateline.

It was quite a fun time though, a pity for some of my friends who could not make it in the end. But no matter, I 'm a simple guy, I did not really do a large scale party but its all worth it. Presents lesser so what. The most important thing to me is to be able to spend quality time together. Anyway I hope to enforce that 21 years I am still alive, kicking and ready to take on the coming challenge.

Talking cock...

2009-07-18T19:13:00.003+08:00

Booking in soon...

I wanted to blog about my feelings for the coming field camp. But its no use, all I feel is, I don't want to go, I don't want to go... Even the platoon live firing is even draining my spirit away. It's like the most depressing book-in's, like that time in BMT when we have our Chinese New Year before our field camp. That feeling is back again. The reluctance to enter back to camp.

I believe that's being human. That's my flesh. I can't help but feel reluctant and no 'fire' within me at all. I kept thinking about what might come, which began to hinder what I am about to do now. I've wondered how am I going to survive without bathing for 4 days, even 7 days of no bathing. I can only pray that I will lift up all these events to God. I shall put my trust in the lord.

Being religious? Maybe, sometimes its ok to be a little religious. I need God more than ever before. But I wish for it to be not one-sided. If God brought me to Infantry to make me feel more uncomfortable and to become stronger in my mind, then so be it. I will do my best for this trial...

Updates and Rantings....

2009-07-15T19:09:00.002+08:00

This week is a rather slack week, after all we are in camp. Its better to be in camp then the outfield, infantry really sucks.

I have a problem if I can't pass the SOC course. If I can't, I won't be able to get my 3SG rank. Sometimes I just accepted that I won't pass out as a 3SG and hope to actually go to another vocation where I can finally learn something new. I've met my old friend from BMT today at the SOC ground. He was our medic at the end point and I was quite surprise to see him.

I talked to him and he is serving as a medic man. He told me that if I were to OOC because I cannot clear the SOC, I will post to most probably, Combat Medic. Its 8am-5pm job. I could use that sort of job. Other than that, I wish still to be able to pass in future.

ARGH! I'm just ranting.

Christian NSF's... They need the Church Support...

2009-07-12T22:10:00.003+08:00

I can't help but keep thinking...

What if, the church can do a program that prepares Christian men in Singapore, to be aware and ready for their coming national service, not to prevent them from entering or to 'chao keng' but to become effective people in future as they start serving their NS.

Not only that, but once they are in NS, they will be always cared for and remembered by their fellow church friends. After all, once they enter, they can't really guarantee a stable time table, their cell group timings would be screwed up, and they will eventually stop growing in the lord. I've been through this, and I wondered why am I drying up so fast. Sometimes I always say that if it weren't for attending church, I would have given up to be a commander. Somehow, I can find my strength if I continue to attend church, I will just feel empowered. But the feeling does not last for long.

I have this burden for the Christian enlistees, that they are not prepared for whats about to come and experience in army. There will be many temptations, the life style will be totally different. The way they do things in army is sometimes nonsensical but memorable, and sometimes the people will around you will start to drain your spirit away. As you began to see the male entity of the world, you will began to realize the predicament of your spirit being drained away by individuals with their own way of doing things. Not realizing that it will 'sabo' which is sabotage, your platoon mates.

I began to think why does men, grow weaker spiritually in army. The answer lies in the people in army and that it was hard to even form a prayer meeting without being interrupted. As a leader to be, I feel that action is needed for the church to not neglect this group of people as they not only serve the country, but they serve also the one true God by going to army. Toughening physical as well as mental stress.

I feel that the church should organize something for the NSF who attends church. I'm still brain-storming ideas on how to do so, but so far nothing I could think up. Damn I start to talk cock already...

A Coming-of-age Dilema....

2009-07-05T08:06:00.009+08:00

Being a person who thinks. Thats what I strive to be. To be able to think of solutions, to think of ways to bond the team, to find the best way possible to do a task. That's what I have been trying to do. Furthermore, physically I have nearly hit the pinnacle of my injuries.

My left feet is aching, back is also aching, having a sore throat too. I wonder how am I able to move on in my course? There are still more to come. I believe its the work of supernatural, after all, I have not been really praying like before. I haven't even touch my bible this few weeks. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing those things. But yet, I feel that I haven't lost God's touch on my life. Maybe because I still go to church, but something's missing in my life.

Whenever, I travel by MRT or even by taxi, as I look at the people in the cabin or on the road side, I see couples, groups of friends, hanging out doing the things they want to do together. I feel so disheartened, why don't I have friends like that anymore. Especially since I'm in army, and how army friends also have their own life to live. None would really want to spend time together outside. After all one of them has a girl-friend.

Speaking about girl-friends, I finally understood what Pastor Kong meant by 'an urge for a merge'. Its like an in-built system in men. We have auto targeting eyes to seek out 'potential' targets every now and then. Its like inevitable! We would automatically stare at a 'prominant' object in the middle of the mrt cabin and then we would like: 'Man, I wish she was my girl-friend, so beautiful in that dress, that skirt, that b- Whoa whoa whoa... SNAP OUT OF IT.' That's when I know its beginning to hit me. Its like every girl that walks past, mostly with just above average looks is like the one for me! Man, its a very deadly trap. I feel kinda ashamed that I am sharing a guy's dilema here, but this is the only place I can get it out.

Furthermore, I know City Harvest has also alot, and I mean, ALOT of beautiful girls! Sure, I went for worship, I wanted to learn God's Word, but more that anything, I want to experience God, not experience some ladies, who dressed 'pretty' well and even sometimes dressed to show off assets, as well as the curves. What's there not to stare at? Especially like what, a 21 year old young man like me?

I know this is normal for a guy. I am a guy for pete's sake. I adore women but the drive to really want to stay with the one I love is getting on me. I finally understood abit of what my buddy David is feeling. He just wants to be pure, to be faithful to the one he deems the love of his life. Yet sometimes, our 'desires' will just go overboard. Its not like I can use psychic powers and hypnotise a girl to love you? Or even make her be the one, no wait, if you got such power you would control all those women you like just for the sex. Reality check for me...

When oh when will I find the one for me. Who is able to satisfy my own needs, and also I want to do things together, to have fun, shopping and even hugging and kissing... I guess, I only came to realise that more and more, as I began to enter the pinnacle of adult-hood...

Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus - Butterfly Fly Away - AOL Music Sessions - HQ

2009-06-28T20:09:00.001+08:00

One of my favourite songs so far. I heard this when I watched Hannah Montanna the Movie. It was beautiful the lyrics. The melody was beautiful as well. Enjoy how a caterpiller become a butterfly, fly away...

Only Human....

2009-06-28T19:21:00.003+08:00

If any of you that have been visiting my blog at all, my personality results at the sides have changed. I'm more introverted, and I became a generous artist. Probably, because army life is an alien to me, so I've been quite closed up about myself. I think more too, probably too much. I hope to revive my orange side quickly. Cause that's mostly like me, reckless, tend to jump in instead of walk in. But I just can't be myself in army. Why? My friends would ask me.

I just felt provoked that my freedom was compromised. I stepped in with the mentality that I want to build up my discipline level. Also, I wanted to be physically involved. Yet sometimes, I rely too much on my discipline, I kinda found out that I keep to myself. I felt that no one wants to really know me and my life. After all, whenever there was a chance to intro myself, whatever I say seems to fall on deaf ears, there wasn't much response from the crowd. In other words... I don't feel acceptance.

Especially since I've changed cell, I actually, honestly speaking, don't really feel accepted at all. I felt like an alien in my cell sometimes. I rarely interact with them due to my own screwed up schedule, after all, its army. The places where they want to out reach was simply too far away from home. Then I realised, I am actually pleasing people every where, so that I can get acceptance.

I also realised, that this is not the way to gain acceptance. You keep giving and giving to that altar, but its not enough. Today's sermon. I have to stop, and realise I have already gain acceptance in the eyes of God. Yet I can't help but think, if God accepted me, then why is it, up till now, I cannot find acceptance yet? Its all about attitude again.

I need to buck up. But yet I just can't help but feel that way sometimes. I am after all, only human. Sure you may have a strong mind, but unlike my officer friend, I am not that strong. Although I can endure, but that does not neccessarily make me a strong minded fella.

Army Journey SISPEC ASLC : The Real Course Starts... Now..

2009-06-20T13:25:00.002+08:00

Its been quite slack so far in Juliet. Slack in terms of waiting time, and live firings for these whole month. Also, we have completed our first Field Camp. Its been great training as well as a little demoralizing to end the 1 month in ASLC with a field camp. After all, anything outfield always ask for more walking, more defending, more crap to face eventually.

The OOC feeling is still in me, but after hearing stories of Taiwan, I just feel so alive! But I still have the OOC feeling every time I'm in training. I guess in truth, mentally I can only handle so far, and also, nobody was very cooperative at that time. Too many individuals with individualistic thinking and less team cohesiveness, that was the lack in this batch, and all the previous batches I've ben through. Probably, this would carry on and I could not control the situation.

But I can control myself, and my thoughts on the outcome.

Anyway, I have been having less sleep, its like I can't stop thoughts running through my head, information and nonsense have been activating when I wanted to sleep. Also, I have not had a good appetite as well recently. I need to understand why do I do the same things again and again and again, simply boring to the core.

I was informed during the field camp, that the course for ASLC really starts now, this is where we have to prepare for our next outfield which I heard it was going to be pretty nasty in terms of physical. I need to mentally prepare.

My staff sergent told me that for the Overseas training, I won't have to worry much on the training and my thinking, because basically, once we get there, we will all have the mentallity to graduate and we will do whatever it takes. Theres also the R&R to consider too. And since, I'll be heading overseas 2 days after my birthday, I'm going to take that as a birthday present. =)

Till then.

The Christian Life vs Army Life

2009-06-06T06:44:00.002+08:00

I've realized something. Probably many men have came with this conclusion but, actually, there are many similarities to the Christian life towards the army life. Both are practically the same.

When I first enlisted I began to start talking more to God, to pray. Then hard times in the form of physical activity. After which, the 'Fighting Spirit' will kick in and somehow you overcome the obstacle. Its like Faith, you put your faith in your own abilities and sure you may fail your SOC, your IPPT, but one day you will conquer that obstacle, with the most shocking results ever. That was for my running in IPPT and the current CSB 10km run in 1 hour.

In army is about regimentation discipline, you always need to follow a set of rules and laws must be accounted for. In the christian faith, we believed in the 10 commandments and follow Jesus through his first Birth, to his burial and then his RESURRECTION. Not forgetting about the ASCENSION into Heaven. These phases are exactly what I've been through before almost all the time.

Its up to you to brave the burial phase of your circumstance. I was actually pretty disappointed, sad and fearful when I was announced to be part of ASLC. I actually cried on that day. It was one of my most emotional and mentally toughest times I've been through. I wallow in self-pity and was on the verge of even thinking of OOC.

But if I did so, I know I may not have a chance to become a 3SG ever again. And I'll be breaking the flow of my army life. I wanted to quit to give up, it was pretty tempting and i've dwelled with my old bad habits again during my time in the one week block leave. I could never understand, why in the world did I cry. But it took that period of time to help me recover a little of my problems, and slowly but surely, as I still go to church, still go for cell group, I was on my way to recovery.

It was thanks to the emerge conference, the upcoming Song of Solomon Bible Study, that really energized and enlarge my love for God once again.

In fact, past few days, one guy from my section even say: " Hey, Clement, you know ah, I think you are made for Guards sia."

Me: "What? Why would I want Guards? Its too shiong for me."

Buddy: "Its your Attitude, its like a Guards-man, I really think you will enter Guards next time."

Sometimes I do not know if that is a compliment of anything, but, I know one thing, if I have the attitude of a Guards, that means, I have already acheived what I was searching for, a new hope in my walk during this ASLC. To become stronger and stand out among the crowd so as to inspire and change people, I have to become much stronger. Whether in terms of skill, or techniques, I will muster all I have and train my physical. I will not wellow in self-pity anymore. I will overcome anything that stands in my way. Do things with great pride and no more mediocre work. Its time to rise above the ashes and show the people around you the light that shines.

Christian life is Progressive right? Well, I always link this to army's progressive training. In army, everything is progressive, whether it be running 10 click or even SOC training, its all about conditioning in a progressive manner. To run the 10 click, you will first run 5 click, then 6, then 7, 8 and finally 10. I succeeded in the 10 click trial test and my next test is coming soon.

Similarly, its not like one day you can suddenly pray 1 hour, you will burnt out. So I am learning back to basics myself. I've decided to really just talk to God. Just talking to him from my heart, communicating and talking about certain things that God showed me through this experience.

We solve problems in the World. Well, in army we have a fair share of problems. Will you be disciplined by your own mistakes? Yes you will, the key is to not let this discipline bring you down, but to stand up again after you have understand why you are chastened.

It's not about cutting corners that will get what you want. Actually, most of the people in my batch like to do that, especially two or three of my section mates. Somehow they will always get away with it, but I know that if they were to ever be found out, their punishment will also get double. I tried to tell them to do the right way, but its really up to them to listen. I can't control their lives after all.

Personally I've found too many similarities of the army life towards christian life. After all, we are part of God's army. So if you wanna be effective, just do it. If you can do the thing that was layed before you, just volunteer. If you think that you need "training" in the field of bible study, prayer, fasting. Do the progressive training and start building up. As you begin to do so, you will see an increase in confidence level. What does this confidence level do? It aids you in able to overcome obstacles in front of you. Route marches in christian life is just like going through your toughest time. Probably like SOT, like you business, your school semester, all these problems you face.

"But we must have the end in mind" my OC told us once. That's when I told myself, "Hey, that's Faith!" The substance of things hope, the evidence of things not seen. Even our OC believes in Faith, how cool is that, and he's a muslim religion. I've come to known God is a person who likes to speak to different people to give me comfort, hope, discipline, and i'm still waiting for love to come. And I believe, through SOS bible study, I will be able to find that love, that I lost during army, I lost it due to my own carelessness. I want it back again...

I miss the Times...

2009-05-30T08:47:00.004+08:00

Army is draining my spirit away... I have to admit. I finally understand why some people backslided from church because of what army brings. The physical, mental stress that keeps us on the move is just too much for some to handle. I have my fair share of feelings of giving up, to just become one of the people who hates army life, hates serving the country as we are forced to do so for two years. After all, I'm human right? I do have pains, I do complain, and I want to make army a better place for some of my men. But not by testing the system. Although many have done so, you have to be WISE to do so. Basically, every system is flawed, is how you get around to it and be flexible to act according to the situation.

Anyhow, this is not the main thing that I want to say. The thing is, I really really, miss the times I had together in terms of secondary school, poly life no matter how crazy it was for me, and the times my cell group used to do. The times when I served as guitarist to my cell, to usher in the presense of God, to have the Holy Spirit in my life. I remember the times I used to complain about minor things as a civilian, and looking back, I thought how petty I was... Reading on other people's blogs about procrastination and what not really made me think that, its really about personnal discipline and how you work it out. I guess army has its good points. It brings you to another world, so you can also observe the civilian world.

When you can overcome the things army has given you, I believe that even any problem in the civilian world, you can believe that you will solve it. After all, its civilian life. But spiritually, dryness will enter in the army. Because of the schedule, the programme that keeps me tired and unable to even look at God or even spend time with Him. Army poses a threat to keeping Holiness in my character and even to become the light that will influence others. I am training to be a section commander.

I went for the Song of Solomon bible study last night, and the phrase that impacted me the most is this:
" problems are caused by bad leaders with bad leadership, but the solution to this is Good Leadership with good leaders." or something like that.

Meaning, leadership you are called, and as christians we cannot be the PROBLEM because we are leading, but we must lead because Good leadership leads to solving problems. And I had a burden as to why am I giving a try in leader school, whether you are in SISPEC or OCS, it doesn't really matter. What matters is, you are chosen to lead men, so why not make the best out of it, go through it but with discretion on your body limits.

I really do not want to think about OOC, but I just cannot stop thinking of whether if I did, I can go to other vocations. "We have toiled all day and caught nothing, nevertheless, at your word, I will let down the nets" I was suddenly reminded as I type out this post. I believe God is telling me to not give up, because when Peter caught the harvest, he got a fish load and in the end his boat is overflowing.

I thank you, Father. For being there for me, even though I neglected you many times in army, I have always wondered where you were, but actually you were right beside me, giving me the utmost care and concern through the leaders over me. You encourage me through men that I've hated, you've brought me out of darkness through means that I didn't know you could. You pushed my body by your supernatural strength, when I thought I wanted to fail you were behind me, letting my body move when my mind wanted to give up, to give me people to aid me in my long march. You are like the river and I was the pebble that got stuck in the stream, but your currents are strong, even though I am heavy with worries and thoughts to give up, and they carry it through the waters of the river of life. Thank you God, for being the savior you was, and will always be. Thank you, Jesus, for interceding for me, to pray for my undying ability to carry on despite how drained I am. I thank you that all these is definately by your strength. Amen.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete - Jump Fiesta 2009 Trailer

2009-05-23T14:15:00.003+08:00

This is the Trailer hope you enjoy it!

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete - Jump Fiesta 2009 Trailer

2009-05-23T14:15:00.001+08:00

This is the Trailer hope you enjoy it!

Popcorn Smasher - Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children (COMPLETE)

2009-05-22T10:42:00.004+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the animation of the highest standards of all. Coming all the way from Japan and produced by the very famous RPG game company in my opinion, SQUARE ENIX, I present to you the review of their finally completed version of Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children, the first movie ever made by the Japan team.

Previously, their story was not really completed for some reason, they have to meet the requirement of the movie theater of their region I suppose. But now they have produced with additional scenes in it. Scenes that were not produced before. There were even changes in the script to make it even clearer.

The most important was the fight scenes. Most of it change, finally adding wounds on the people that were attacked. Dirt marks on faces and clothings after bring skidded on the floor. Scratches on the bike. Cloud was given a new fight scene altogether with his nemesis. For the benefit of all those who haven't watch this show at all, I won't reveal too much.

Definately an increased improvement in graphics, story, action and the flow, is all established. The rating I give for an animation show is usually outrageous. So here goes my verdict. For animation shows I am going to put in more stats for my benefit of analyzing.

General Public: 3/5 stars
Fans of the Game: 4/5 stars
Personal?
Graphics: 4/5
Storyboard and Flow: 4/5
Sequence of Action: 4/5 Pretty good Motion capture if you ask me.

Overall, I would say its 4.5/5 stars. Thats for me.
I'm gonna post a trailer to interest some of you.

Army Journey SISPEC: Posted to ASLC... Sad, but I'm Ok...

2009-05-16T16:34:00.003+08:00

ASLC, the dreaded word was read out during the posting my Staff read out to us. It was one of the worst news I've received. Although I know that many of my friends have went through it, but most of my friends are physically 'up' there. So why am I even in ASLC? I only got a pass for IPPT. Now I must get a SILVER??? Also, my SOC is not up to standard, its the 4 arm power stations. Technique yes, but you still need the arm power to overcome it.

Sometimes I just don't understand how the posting works. One thing is for sure, I need to buck up, really buck up on my physical. There's not much playing, more stress, and more adversity qoutient to cope once again. Mentally, I'm going to be drained. Good thing I'm still in Juliet. I will never have ask for a better time to be in ASLC. Yet, I still feel saddened.

I actually broke down and cried when I heard the news. I wanted to have a less stressful army life, now, I have to really give all I've got for this course. During that time, I really hated the army, hated everything and everyone around me. No one can console me. Although, Eugene was there to console me and why am I so expressive??? Why? Did God have something against me? I will be lying if i did not actually say this. I even prayed that I won't get into this course, so why? Why God? You said you will grant the desires of our heart. So why then?

I got angry, confused, furthermore the news was given after our 28 click and we haven't really slept. I went to the cookhouse and eat somewhat alone, emo-ing about the whole thing. I can't say I was the only one, but the whole company was all in emo mode. Its just too much to even let go. The funny question was, why ONLY our SECTION 2 has full strength that went to ASLC? Except for my bed buddy who went to Combat Medic...

And all the sections they got 2 MPs and others that went to armour. What the heck is my whole section going to ASLC? What's worse, they separated our section to go to platoon 2. What in blazes? That made it a whole lot worse.

Nevertheless, I managed to get it together, to get over it. If i do not look forward to ASLC and its training, I will never set my heart to do well or even, survive the course. I WILL survive. I WILL give my 100%. I WILL BECOME A SERGEANT NO MATTER WHAT!

Army Journey: SISPEC BSLC completed!

2009-05-16T16:12:00.002+08:00

This whole experience in BSLC? I know I cannot reveal too much about the course but it has been memorable...

This BSLC probably was the most irritating and most enjoyable moments looking back. Although my bed buddy is screwed up, and even some of my section people are screwed up, I also met friends over there, who has helped me through, although I maybe irritating to them by telling them to fall in on time, all the time. I hoped to see some people performing like leaders in my next course... which I would talk about my response later...

I guess for this BSLC, the closest people are actually my section people, not the platoon. Although in the platoon I know a few people, but we are just not as connected as the people in your section. Not like BMT where you need to know everyone in the section. Many stupid jokes were made in my section. Jokes of the day were often created in my whole course and we would just laugh. Sometimes the remarks made by Hsien Yew are funny enough to get everyone cracking.

Then the field camps came in. The Grand Slam? Was really Grand 'Shek', singapore term for tired. Probably for me, I did SBD for the two days I was part of the section. It was killing me, I even had to retake my Navigation test that night and the next day another round of SBD. I nearly thought I could not make it, physically. Yet my mental was always there for me. Somehow, I keep thinking I can't go on, but somehow, my body will keep moving, even if its tired it will move.

That proved true for my 28 click route march, or was it 32 click? Why I questioned this was because, we may have marched the wrong way and in the end took a long route back. But nevertheless, we made it. I was one of the stragglers, the ones who could not take it anymore, but I keep on going. I was on the verge of giving up, but one warrent officer motivated me, and even gave me the salt water to drink so that I can cure my cramps in my legs. It was a tough challenge for me, I even cried as I march. I was touched by my officers care and I know I am not the tough man people always think. I do cry, I am not like the chinese saying of 'Men do not cry'.

I feel what I feel and I have to let something out. That's why, I need an outlet for all my anger, for all my pain. I shout, I need to confess, if not I cannot function. That's what I discovered for myself.

Then throughout the whole march, I was in pain. But I could not say so for myself, I know the others are feeling the way I'm feeling, I just could not take it. My mind was telling me to slow down, to give up. If it weren't for the motivation of my company mates, some were from platoon 2 and 3 who helped me, I won't be able to make it...

Overall the experience in BSLC, was some good training. To the guys who are transfered to another unit, please, become the 3SG and lead your men. Don't give up, we're nearly through.

Army Journey SISPEC: Disdain

2009-05-02T23:50:00.002+08:00

I can't say how much it has been a bore in army life. Its the same routine, the friends at my section still suck. Nothing really matters anymore. With people like Sen Yew and Roy in my section, I can only say my perception of selfishness in man, has just gone up another level. No, its not a good thing. I just can't believe that someone could be that selfish! Thinking for themselves, PRETENDING to help others in their section mate. You blanjah me Maggi Mee doesn't mean you've earn my trust as a friend or even respect out of you.

I have come across the laziest people of all, also from my section for some. Procrastination. Why the hell did LEADERSHIP TRAINING become so MEDIOCRE???

There's no sense in giving us leadership roles when we are fresh out from a recruit's life. So you want us to make our own decisions, ok, I understand that. But seriously, how is this system suppose to work out? The appointment holders have all tried their best, except for some which I see they are just not cut out to be a appointment holder. The real problem is the platoon. The people within the company, all of us, are NOT united in one mind, one goal, one achievement. Yes, we only have one thing in mind, Pass out from BSLC. But that is not enough to drive you. Life really sucks as a trainee in SISPEC and I thought BMT was worst? Come on. Standards have got to buck up in SISPEC.

No matter how I detest this place, I really love the freedom they gave, just don't overstep your limits. I wanted slack training too, but when it is time to get it down, to be serious, then show professionalism people! Sense of urgency PLEASE!!!

Popcorn Smasher: The Knowing, The Fast and Furious 4, Dragonball Evolution, Legend of Chun li and Shinjuku Incident.

2009-04-19T17:54:00.002+08:00

I have been watching movies since my book outs. What? I love film! Anyway, I've watched these particular ones. All I've watched with someone, except The Fast and Furious 4. Let me start from Legend of Chun Li.

Now, all those gamers of the world will know the name of Chun Li from the famous Street Fighter character in the game. The most beautiful Asian, fast leg kicking character. The movie depicts the story of Chun Li and what was her link with the menace, Bison. The action was surprisingly good, and who else to play Chun Li in america, then the lovely Kristin Kreuk? Chun Li's trademark hair was also shown in the movie which surprisingly, suits Kristin very well. Other than that, story wise it was not bad. It was definately better than the previous Street Fighter movie I saw when I was a kid. Ratings?

3.5/5 For General people.

The Fast and the Furious 4. Dom is back and he is still up to no good. The story starts off when one of his sister was found dead. As the title depicts, its time for some serious car action that will take your head off. This movie I have nothing much to say. If you enjoy the sound of Nitro and boost, as well as the roar of the engine. Plus some police detective sort of work and manouvering a car in a one way tunnel? Then this movie is for you. Sorry for that spoiler. LOL!

3.5/5 for General.

Shinjiku Incident. Jackie Chan movie, so what do you expect? More creative choreography! But no. Jackie did a layback for this movie. He did not do much stuns, but he focused a lot on acting. Which was pretty good. The story is about how the Chinese illigal immigrants came over to Japan and start to live in Shinjiku area, which happens to be one of the territories of the Yakuza clan in Japan. And how Jackie's character manage to survive in that world where his friends got hurt by a Taiwanese Triad gang who was placed in charge of Shinjiku by the one of the Yakuza clan heads. The effects of Traid and Yakuza are nearly the same type. The movie depicts the way the Traids move and the Yakuza handle things. Even the Japanese police are also affected. This movie has alot of things to watch out for. And the story is thrilling.

4/5 stars

Dragonball Evolution. You like action? With a bit of Kamenameha? Then this movie is purely for those who do not know the movie. I must say the girls inside this movie are definately hot, especailly that asian gal. But more than that, the action was not so bad. The problem? Why did they make Piccolo the enemy? WHY?

2/5 stars for Fans of Dragonball
3/5 stars for General

The Knowing.
I watched this just last night. This movie is a thriller-based as well as pre-apocalyptic and how the apocalypse happens. The story was actually told very well. About a time capsule and how they found an envelope written by a student name Lucinda Dawles, who wrote numbers on her paper instead of drawings for the future. When 50 years have passed for the time capsule to be removed, a kid got a hold of that paper and his Dad, a Bio-physist lecturer noticed this piece of paper. And got interested in it. After which he matched up the numbers to be the series of catastrophic events that lead up with each number written. Also, some of the numbers have not been circled by the proffessor because, the even has not happened yet, but it will happen and the number beside the date depicts the number that will die on that day.
Follow the professor as he gets to the bottom of the mystery and tries to save the world by numbers and to encounter one of the most eerie feeling in this movie. Love chills down your spine not because you see ghost or horror movies? This movie is for you.

4/5 stars Generally.

Easter Sunday... The Final Solution!!!

2009-04-12T20:25:00.002+08:00

Had a fantastic drama today called the Final Solution. Again our drama team has done another interesting twist to the bible story, which brings a fresh approach to the bible story. The story was about Silas, a scientist, who discovered a drug that will cure sin. He names it, the Final Solution. It was actually used in the change of DNA of a convict already on death row, so that he knows no sin. Because of this he became very rich and successful. Meanwhile, he heard that Jesus was also doing the same thing that he did but through the means of the supernatural. Because of this, Silas find it hard to believe that the healing Jesus performed was real. In fact he healed a murderer of his leprosy and it happened that the murderer was the exact man that killed his wife.

Silas had a past.
His wife was murdered by that man and because of that, his relationship at home with his only daughter has gotten worse. His daughter became rebellious, dealing in things that are not meant to be. Fueled by rage, he administered the Final Solution to his only daughter. After which, his rebellious daughter became obedient. Then, his daughter suffered a side effect and felt that her legs were going limp. Confronted by his secretary, who confessed her love for him, he rejected her. In the end, through her revenge, she reported the Final Solution has been showing side effects which gave the people a slow death in the end. Additionally, she brought the murderer of his wife to Silas. Out of rage, he killed the man. And was sent to the prison waiting to be trailed.

Meanwhile, in the prison. He was tortured and kicked until his leg was broken. Jesus entered that same prison to be tortured as well on the day when he was betrayed. After which, Jesus said that he will heal him, just like the lady with the issue of blood. Silas crawled all the way to where Jesus was with difficulty and touched his leg. Which he was instantly healed.

Then it switch to the part where the people wanted to crucify Jesus. Silas was given the pardon in place of Jesus, who did no wrong, who murdered no one, but was sent to be crucified.

Silas also lost his daughter during those days and have been mentally unstable. Luke was his best friend throughout the whole play, and stopped his friend from administering drugs to the already dead body of Silas's daughter. Then Jesus appeared before them, it was resurrection Sunday. Silas asked the lord for forgiveness and confessed his desires for his daughter to live. By Faith he believed, and his daughter was also resurrected from the dead.

It was an interesting story. Just wanted to share it.

Leadership... What does it mean to me?

2009-04-05T01:08:00.002+08:00

Today, my best buddy asked me a very simple, but deep question. What qualifies you to be a leader? What makes you different then your men?

I was told that they were asked such questions while they were under stressful conditions. It was a hard thing to answer as it took me awhile to think. I answered and said that it was because, under one of the test, I was able to work under stressful conditions. But to a certain extent.

"Nope, you are not answering my question. What makes you different than a man, why are you chosen to lead? You are answering me what it takes to be a commander."

Now I feel insecure. For many times I wondered how am I going to lead men in a shallow manner. I have never thought of such questions in my life. But when the question comes to you, and especially when you are in Leadership School, you must have the desire as well as the qualifications to be a leader! There must be something in you that makes you different! I could not grasp the answer which in the end my friend told me.

"The answer is simple. I answered to my officer in charge, that I have what it takes to think two steps ahead of my men." or something like that. It means that, leadership is not about physical. But if you have physical, it will be a bonus somehow to lead men. That keeps me thinking. Leaders also have to maintain self-discipline in order to lead by example. The goal of the leader is to lead in situations where your men are all tired but you are the one standing, able to make decisions and execute in a fast manner. I hope to be able to like that guy, high endurance, gold IPPT, and SOC passed with a great timing.

But all these comes with effort. No pain, no gain.

I have to start empowering myself and tell myself that I am a leader, I need that "aggressive" mentality in me so that I will be able to have the confidence to lead. Always be ethical to be that role model and to ensure that my section is able to function well and to not give up.

Army Journey 2: SISPEC, Packing and Ready...

2009-03-21T11:56:00.003+08:00

You can say this is phase 2 of Army life. I was rather happy at first when I heard I was able to attend SISPEC. But then I began to think about the trainings I have to endure again. Oh boy... I do know that its always in the mind, bu sometimes you will just think about the trainings and you WILL feel 'sian'.

There is also the fact that I will be meeting new people in this camp. I really do hope I can mingle with the new group. I mostly notice that I am rather passive when it comes to making friends. Probably because I am afraid that they won't like me for who I am. Like how some of my platoon mates in Whiskey gave me a hard time by not making preparations. Then again, I have to live up with such nonsense, that means in SISPEC there's bound to be such people. Sigh, I wish I can make a real friend in there, and not just a mutual friend because we are in the same situation.

Packing up is going to be easy. I stashed all the army stuff to one side so its easy for me to know what to just dump in. The problem is always stuffing everything into one bag... Also, I'm not sure how SISPEC bunks are like... I'm going to assume its going to be the same as BMT. Small cupboard, with many beds. A fan to clean maybe. Yup, back to stand by areas and bunk again. SOC again, IPPT again. Haiz... I'm always worried when it comes to strange stuff I don't know. Maybe I'm like my mom in this sense. In fact, I noticed the "mom" streak in me the moment I enter army. I was able to wake up early, wash my own stuff, because I followed my mother's footsteps in that sense. See, in the end, there's always a feminine side of discipline in every man. The only option is, is man willing to make that stand? To stay discipline when the time requires?

Its rather, not impossible, but somehow inpropable that men should stay discipline all the time. After all, even though we are men, we love to have fun.

I can't believe I'm going to miss the Men's Conference in church due to my early posting. I was disappointed that I won't be able to make it, but I know, SISPEC will be the next training phase to be a role model. Its never easy in life. But if we face it with a positive attitude. Then we will make it through.

Army Journey: POP LOH!!! First Phase Complete... Onto the next.

2009-03-12T19:40:00.003+08:00

Finally! I am out of BMTC!!! So glad that i manage to tahan the 24 click route march. I nearly wanted to fall out around 18 click but I manage to hold it up, using the POP parade as the motivation. Also I manage to tahan the Graduation Parade which is held right after our 24 click. Of course there was a little intermission betwwen the 24 click and the GP. Where we change to a fresh set of clothes and even eat lunch.

Well, the GP was the most memorable. We always complain during the process. But when the big day came, somehow, everyone managed to stay in shape. The formations were ok and all the simple commands were done well. When we threw the Jockey Cap, I was elated. Manage to tau pok a 2LT Suba. Haha... That was hilarious... Thinking back, actually army is ok. The thing is, our mind will intepret it to an exaggerated extent that it inculcates fear.

Our goal then, is to get over your fear, overcome the event and all is well!

I can't help but feel sad when I saw all my commanders that have groomed us for the past 3months, seeing us off at the ferry terminal. Although they weren't perfect, but they are good commanders. Yes, even the platoon sergeant. We may complain about many things, but ultimately, they are still our "big brothers'" in camp. I start to look back also at the things that our platoon did, the funny stuff, the tough times, the tekan sessions, the trainings. It has been fun. Loads of funny scenes were made over there. Like our platoon sergeant said, I wished I had a camera to capture all the funny moments and make it our own Singapore's Funniest Home Video. But of course cameras are not allowed. I remember all the blur things we blurted out and all the funny things we say without utilizing the brain.

The comments we make to the sergeants and officers I will never forget them. Though my PC left us 3 days before our 24 click route march, but I will always remember his speeches, how he cared for me during my adjustment period. I was like a kid. Lost in an army world. Don't tell me you didn't feel that way during your first time in NS? Well if you did... then its my problem.

However, I grew up from his encouragement. When I had RT, he was there to give us a moral support. It was the first time I realized that weekends are too important. Overall, BMTC was an experience, whether was it field camp, wild boars, range. All of it, was memorable. Too many funny things happen in those events. And too many memories to write it down. But I know that it will stay right here in my heart.

Prayer for today:
I just want to thank God, for being my shield and strength. To the Holy Spirit who kept me on my toes, helping me to wake up early, to instill personal discipline into my life. Thank you Jesus, for interceding for me, for not making unjustified punishment to occur. Even if it did occur, you intercede for me to pull me through. And the Holy Spirit empowered me to succeed in all the trainings. If it weren't for you, I won't be able to find the strength to "survive" the trainings. I ask that you continue to guide me, to not let me neglect the trainings that was provided for me. To prepare me for what is to come, as only the First Phase is complete. Whether I go to command school I lift it up into your hands.

Thank you God, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

4 More Days to GP + POP!!!

2009-03-07T13:39:00.002+08:00

4 more days people. 4 more days till I am officially a private. BUT, I haven't arrived yet. There is still the 24 click route march ahead. Nobody likes that. But its a requirement, therefore, I need my mind to be strong during that period.

Other than the march there is still the parade to go right after the march. Everything is mind over body, that is what the army teaches. What about the bible? Does it teach Mind over Body? Its actually called Faith to a certain extent.

With Faith, you envision in your mind that you will overcome this obstacle, coupled with actions in order for the substance of things hope for to materialize. This also comes with effort placed in your faith. To overcome despite the pain you are going through, also known as Long suffering.

Jesus had that characteristic too. But did we understand? No. Even through army, we can never fully understand long suffering that Jesus went through. Not only was it a physical pain, but it was the mental pain which he had to endure.

Enough preaching. Got to get to Jurong West building for my service!!! Pioneer station here I come!!!

POP goes the Weasel... in 2 weeks!

2009-02-28T22:23:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since I've blogged. Army life is still going on. And the first phase is nearly through! WHOOHOO!!!

Its two more weeks to POP!!! I really cannot wait for the moment to come.

Seriously, I think my platoon is the worst there is. Loads of backstabbing, loads of loafers. You have to scold them to get them moving, and they take advantage of the kindness given by the officer or sergeants. Please, do not take things for granted.

Not to mention. Nobody volunteers. Instead they arrow here and arrow there. VOLUNTEER for Goodness sake! When I asked for people to help me in Singing an item, nobody was even WILLING to give it a try. I like people who are willing and are versatile in situations. I am actually not a guy like that, but I'm striving to gain that form of character, where I want willing individuals to give their best. When you volunteer, you show your sincerity and effort which you are willing to put in. Also it means that you have set your mind on the things you want to accomplish. In other words, you won't want to 'sabo' your friend.

In the army, I meet different people, with different ways of showing the same kind of character. Laziness, slander, quick to get angry, injustice in their speech - And sad to say, I am slowly getting influenced. That's when the bible is suppose to be my insulator from this culture. Somehow I am able to stop it, but some things have changed in me. Language wise, vulgarities have entered my tongue... Also the lust in me has just tripled... Its so hard to stay insulated. But yet I know that my God has been faithful. I have already made the commitment that I won't be into a BGR relationship till this 2 years is over. Once this 2 years is over, whether or not I can find a partner, is all up to my this 2 years...

My prayer for tonight would be salvation and mercy over my life. That God will show everlasting love throughout these two years of army. Overseeing that I will not be just insulating but I will penetrate into the lives of men, in the army. I wish to teach, to be a leader, and I really want to be an officer... or a specialist. It doesn't really matter. So long as I have a certain leadership role.

I want to impact lives through my influence, but I can't with vulgarities in my mouth. I have to kick off the habit. I need to. God help me in my moral standards, help me keep your laws that are engraved on my heart. Help me God that you will use the Holy Spirit to guide me through the 2 years. Let not the fire leave me, but burn ever brighter so that I can be a lighthouse in the darkest night. Amen.

I've Been Thinking...

2009-02-14T10:15:00.002+08:00

Its been physically demanding and strenuous for this pass two months since I entered army and I've been giving lots of time to think in camp as well.

This are some of the random thoughts I came up with, take note they are random:

Discipline is a choice and a commitment you have to take. So far Discipline in army has taught me that so long you discipline your thoughts, doing things fast with a sense of urgency. Movement not to slouch and never drag your feet. All these minor disciplines will play an important role to character building.

Accompanied to Discipline you also need effort. Its like faith without action is dead, therefore we need to really take action if you want to boost your faith. Pull-ups have taught me that. If you do not put effort into what you want to achieve, then results will never happen.

What's true in the natural its also true in the spiritual. Lets say you want to get this breakthrough in a certain area in your life, probably financially you need a breakthrough. Well you have to pray for it and ask God for ideas, YET, you cannot just simply after praying stop where you are. You have to get up and do something about your problem and let the holy spirit guide your thoughts for a solution to your problem. Sometimes, you may not see the fruits of the effort you put in, but eventually it will start to bear fruit if you keep on trusting him and accompany faith with action.

Trusting God was the hardest thing I learned from my army experience. I struggle sometimes to think why do I have to go through such meaningless problems and some are ridiculously impractical. Yet somehow, whenever I pray for the situation to come out smooth it has always happened.

There is more to come but I've decided to post this few which I've been through the most.

Army Journey: Troubles Keep Piling... Oh here comes the light!!!

2009-02-06T18:41:00.002+08:00

Great... Just booked out, but the feeling is only short lived. Had to book in tomorrow and earlier than the rest of the company... Why? Coz, I failed my IPPT fitness test. Good news is, I broke my egg for pull up! The bad news is, I still fail the pull up static station as it requires 6 to pass. Also, my standing board jump is still not improving.

Because of that, I have to return to camp early to train. Its stupid. Further more, on Sunday its another mini-field camp we have to go. Great. One field camp over, than here comes another. But the thing that really motivates me is, that after this mini camp, there will be one more week of mini camp. After that, its straight on to POP!!! WHOO HOO!!!

So POP will always be there, but the journey is short-lived, no matter how long we think it is. Well, back to washing my uniform, its incredibly filthy!!! Thanks to field camp.

Till then.

Army Journey: pre-Field Camp and Happy Chinese New Year!

2009-01-27T01:01:00.002+08:00

Its the Lunar New Year on the Chinese Calendar and we celebrate the Chinese New Year! Its one of the biggest events held in Singapore, after all, majority of Singaporeans are Chinese. This is also one of the times where Ang Pows come into play.

Ang Pow, or Red Packets, are packets containing money, given by those who are married. This is to show generosity and good fortune for all the non-married couples and of course for the children, they just think of the money and nothing else.

Chinese New Year used to be something I look forward to. But somehow, I did not feel the spirit of the celebration at all. Its like, I don't feel any happiness throughout the whole visitation. Its more of a forced smile... Probably because I knew that Field Camp is on this Wednesday... Army again.

I guess that was what prevented me from even enjoying myself. Usually I would talk loads but not this time. This time I kept watching the TV, being anti-social and a little bit "sian".

I kept thinking about the field camp and I really do not want to live through that hell that everyone of commanders talked about. I hope that I can survive the hardship in the camp. I really hope to survive these 6 days with not much food and still have to exercise. I pray for wisdom to come upon me that I can absorb what was being said and execute it accordingly.

Army Journey: Training to be Soldier (Part 2)

2009-01-18T17:34:00.002+08:00

Speculations of whether army life is boring? Well it is. Trust me. Regimental life is not a life you want constantly. Its where all your freedom is robbed, every little detail you will get punishment.
"I don't want to lead an army life, I just want to lead a simple life"

This phrase will come to mind every time we get a tekan session. Its not that I'm not used to it. I'm just so used to it that I'm sick and tired of tekan sessions. However I do know that every tekan session comes a lesson learnt. I just pray that there won't be those unecessary tekan sessions where they ask you to do ridiculous things. Even if they did ask, all we can do is 'suck thumb' and just do it. That's army life.

Not much to say about this post anyway. I hope that I can get out of this life soon...

Army Journey: Training to be Soldier...(Part 1)

2009-01-02T07:39:00.002+08:00

Army life is a very disciplined life. And also its the kind of life where you are vulnerable to Orders given by your superiors. Its also a test of humbleness, decisiveness, initiative, as well as brotherly-kindness, after all, you will be staying with your bunch of bunk mates for the next few months to come.

That's not the point I wanted to speak about. I actually wrote a diary concerning my thoughts throughout the weeks of confinement and how it has really change my perspective about life. My friend, who went to army earlier, told me I would have this sudden change. Some people won't get it and continue to stay the same. But I want to change me character. I want it to be more firm and more discipline but at the same time, I do not want to lose the soft side of me, which makes me who I am.

When I was separated with my parents for 1 week, only then did I realize I missed home. Which tells me family is very important. Also I have been praying and God has been answering my prayers steadily as I ask for a quick muscle built up so I can physically improve. Also I ask for a bio-clock which will automatically wake up after 7 hours of rest. That is provided I sleep at lights out time itself.

Other then asking God, when I had time I did some bible reading which God encouraged me through the book of Titus. Just read the first few chapters. Its about insulation, penetration and how you treat the world out there and not let it treat you. There were times when I am down, and I just flip open the bible and it came to psalms. Its there that I really felt encouraged by David's expression of desperation.

So I'm still surviving army life and in army there is a phrase, "What doesn't kill you, Makes you Stronger." So I'm going to do my best and since its already the new year of 2009 I might as well make a new year resolution!

I will be able to do pull ups this year

I will be able to set new records for every IPPT station.(NAPFA Test fyi)

I would like to get to command school. Though I'm not sure which I will get but my friend has been inspiring me about going to OCS. Yes the training is tough, but you learn more, you get more benefits, the only sidetrack is you need to serve the nation longer.

Now my career path is still not set. Music, or animation? Well, I haven't been drawing. Music I have been playing. But its still hard to set my mind to such paths. I just hope I can come to a conclusion soon. Well, lets tackle army first...

Army Journey: Enlistment (Part 2)

2008-12-11T08:14:00.002+08:00

Thank you all for all your sms messages. I really could not attend to all the messages as I've switched my phone for the cameraless one and I do not know why but the numbers appeared instead of your names. I hope that Enling and Weiling AND Emil that are always reading here can spread the word for me.

Thank you leonard I know you sms me alot. But I did not answer as I was too busy packing. Thank you for the verse dear friend.

Want to thank the person who sent me an sms with a prayer. I do not know who yet coz as I mentioned the numbers appeared instead of your names. So I apologise. But whoever gave me the prayer I really thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I will be missing my cell group and church for two weeks! Man, thats long. Thank you for all your support and messages of faith, I would like to request a prayer request from all of you. Help me be INSULATED from the army culture so that I can PENETRATE in my bunk mates life. Help me to be physically fit and to earn my first pull up as soon as possible. Also I ask for strong sense of faith.

Whether you are N119 or W280, we are still one big family. We'll meet again in two weeks time. Thats a PROMISE!

Army Journey Chapter 2: Enlistment ( Part 1)

2008-12-10T10:32:00.002+08:00

Oh boy, enlistment day is nearing. On 11 December 2008, I officially enter into NS, Basic Military Training in School 2 @ Pulau Tekong. That's the island that I will be calling my second home, though its not really much of a home.

Worse thing was, its Wednesday today, and somehow I fell sick just last night, and today, thank God that my fever subsided this morning, thanks to my mom too. She came in and help take care of me...

Really after all that happened, suddenly, I felt sad. Next time, there will be no Mom to take care of me when I'm sick. Next time, no brother to joke with, no Dad to talk to, no cousins to spend time with, no cell group and church for two weeks which is a long time. Also no more freedom.

I had to do loads of packing today. I am the procrastinating type. So I am going out later to buy my stuff and do some present sending as well to my Japanese friend. First time I'm sending out a parcel by post. Hope I will do it right. Other than that, I still need to collect my laptop from IBM and also buy some powder and detergent powder and etc. etc. Haiz, Army life...

Popcorn Smasher: Q U A R A N T I N E

2008-12-05T13:32:00.002+08:00

Oh - My - GOSH!

Love this type of movies where there are zombies involved. Whats more, its in my favorite, first person camera mode. Yes people this movie is like Cloverfield, the "jerky-camera" experience. But guess what! This movie the camera wasn't that jerky, probably because the character who is handling the camera is actually a camera man from the News. The story is plainly told to you. That something happens in this particular LA building, which was quarantine and the citizens were trapped inside. No one knows what really happen inside, there was no evidence, until NOW.

So you play as the camera man with your reporter a girl, forgot her name already. But you were suppose to do a coverage of a fire fighters life. You get to see a different side to the fire fighters which is somewhat amusing. Also the build up of the atmosphere was well done. From interviewing the fire-fighters to shadowing the fire fighters at work. They arrived at the building where someone called for them. It seems that an old lady locked herself in the room and she wailed and screamed. Then there was silence and the tenants were worried so they called in the authorities.

So shadowing the fire-men they break down the door to see the old lady standing at a corner looking totally frighten and lost. The policeman tried to calm her down and one of them try to get near her, that was when she bite him on the neck. Then there was utter confusion as the camera man tried to steady his camera. There was shouting like "GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!" and "OUTTA THE WAY!" as they drag the lady to the landing. They asked one of the fire -fighters to hold her down while they send the police man downstairs to get out. But somehow, someone locked them in. Even when they shouted that there was an injured man, they still do not let them in. So they seek help from the residents and one of them is a Vet. The vet tended to the police man while the other police man and the fire-fighter walked to the basement door.

Just then the body of the fire-fighter upstairs came flying down. That was simply scary. It was so suddden. To me if you do not want to experience anything don't watch this movie. Because being in First person is always about experiencing that person's shoes.

My ratings, Personally: 4/5 stars
Public: 3/5 stars

Elevate Your Name - CHC Band Acoustic Cover

2008-12-03T01:50:00.001+08:00

Ok this is the next song i've covered. Its the most catchy song I have ever sung! Can't stop singing it once you started it! LOL!

Asia Conference Lesson 1: The 3rd Space

2008-11-26T11:44:00.002+08:00

Rev Kong Hee shares this on the opening night of Asia Conference.

Acts 17: 16 (NIV)
"While Paul was waiting for them in Athens, he was greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols."

So here was Paul, in the City of Athens and was deeply burdened by the state it was in. Now think for a moment.

Paul was in a territory where idols are everywhere around him, a situation which is full of religious activities. A City where he had to learn the language and the arts around him in order to communicate with the people of Athens.

In order for him to perform his ministry he had to learn their language in order to communicate with them, learn their culture basically. So Paul was culturally educated in the system of Athens.
Notice, he had to learn their culture but yet it does not affect him. Because Paul practiced Holiness. Being in the presence of idols does not mean your Holiness is diminished.

Now what is Holiness? Two things.

Holiness is ATTITUDE
and
Holiness is OBEDIENCE

These two things are the shield for Paul to put on. In order to be the Salt of the Earth, to Preserve Decay to the society as well as Light of the World, to be that light in the Darkness.

So Paul started to preach in the synagogue stated in Acts 17:16-17. A group of philosophers began to wonder of Paul's speech and they brought him to a place known as the Aeropagus.
Acts 17:18-19

Now the Aeropagus is located on a hill known as the Aeres Hill or Mars Hill. Yup its that name Aeres ring any bell? Or Athens? If you said Greek Gods then you are right!

So hang on a moment, the Aeropagus was like the head of the City State, the parliment house. Its the place where the elders of that city gather together to have counsel. So Paul was brought into the higher ups of the city.

Now check this out. Rev Kong Hee went on to his sermon. First, he shared that the church is known as the First Space, this is where we all feel safe and secure in the presence of God. There is a 2nd Space known as, The Marketplace where this is our Training Ground, our place where we work to earn our living and to do our job vocation. There is a 3rd space, this is where the higher authority of Society is located, the leaders to people with great influence to the 2nd Space.

Now most Christians will move from First Space to 2nd Space and then? BACK to First Space. Now there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we will get discourage and hurt out there in the 2nd space after all we learnt certain principles in Church and the moment we arrive in the 2nd space the days working will sometimes get you discourage and thus you go back to the First place to find your comfort.

However, this is not where we can impact the society.

Instead our Goal, is from 1st Space, where we are filled with the holy spirit, move on to 2nd space and do well at it. After that you will arrive at the 3rd Space of influence, which is UPWARD MOBILITY. Its fine ministering to the needs of the people on 2nd space, but in third space, you can change the system of living, you can change peoples thoughts on it.

Now what does this have any relation to Paul's story? Well if you read on, Paul was in the upward mobility, in Aeropagus on Mars Hill. Here he spoke about God's goodness to them, he was ASKED to PREACH! Not Forced to Preach, but asked to share with them. This is the Upward Mobility. And from his preaching, he won over a man named Dionysius.

Now this mans name was named after the God of the Greeks for Entertainment and Music. Entertainment and music was paganized after this God named as Dionysus or Dionysia. Usually every performance have to be dedicated to the God of Entertainment.

So this man played the most important role of removing the pagan name Dionysus from all Entertainment and Music and thus the music today is because of the result of one man, who removed the paganistic view of music and it was turned around that music is sanctified and freedom was given to music and entertainement, meaning movies are not about Dionysus anymore but about the freedom it is today.

Praise be to God! So Upward mobility is the Goal and will be that christians in Asia will not just be "surviving" by always going to the First Space, but no, we are raising up a new generation that will take ASIA by storm, by moving to the Third Space!

Above All Else - CHC Band Cover

2008-11-25T03:23:00.001+08:00

Its been a wonderful time at Asia Conference and this song has really impacted me the most. The lyrics are pretty meaningful and speaks to my life. Of course I love the melody and especially the whole musicality of the song. It was well portrayed. Here is my first attempt at this song.

Asia Conference - Touching Asia, Transforming the World!!!

2008-11-24T14:12:00.002+08:00

It has been 1 week of intensive queuing, bible knowledge, workshops and impartation of the holy spirit. ASIA CONFERENCE is where I have been the Whole Week.

It was a time of reconciliation, a time of fresh fire and anointing, a time of REVELATION and Signs and Wonders.

With power-packed preachers like Dr. Phil Pringle, Rev. Dr. Ulf Ekman, Pastor Benny Hinn, Rev. Dr. A.R. Bernard and our very own Rev Kong Hee to give to us the revelation that is the theme of this very Conference, Touching Asia, Transforming the World.

Many delegates from all over Asia and even from America came to this conference to seek for a new fire, a new anointing upon their life, came to see City Harvest Church.

Many things happen and unfortunately, I am not a very good writer but I shall cover the first 2 days of the Asia Conference in parts. My friend, Enling, has written a pretty good write up for the last 3 days of the meeting please go to the links called friends and click on Enling, and go and check out her post. She wrote it well.

Meanwhile, I will be covering the music being played in the church for the last 5 days of Conference. I can tell City Harvest Church is now up a new level of maturity as well as a structured path of our Goal is being established. Indeed, like our new CHC band's album, its time we are the LIGHT OF THE CITY!

I've seen pastor ministering and encouraging those from overseas to start their church, to rise up to transform the world. I have received a very powerful meassage from A.R. Bernard once again. He always never fail to give a word and it has a lasting impression.

Read up his sermon with Enling's post. Sorry ah Enling, making use of you. LOL!

I will be posting the 1st day later... Now i'm kinda busy practicing the new songs. LOL!

My Story Plot

2008-11-14T08:51:00.003+08:00

Thanks for the reminder. I almost forgot about my story plot.

Right I ended off in my post about our animation meeting, that I had a story plot regarding tech warriors.

Basically, since Sean and David gave illustrations of a Sci-fi story, I decided to pitch in mine, which I have thought of it since my story idea Peacemakers; Chaper 1 coming out soon btw.
This story, I like to call it SEVEN.

When you think of the number 7, in the numerology, it means a complete cycle... Take note of that.

It is the year 7777 A.D. and its the 77th World War. By this time, countries were totally anihilated, there is no such thing as countries anymore. Instead, they form colonies. Due to previous wars where, WMD (weapons of mass destruction) are used, it has desolated the Earth and the fight is not only for Energy but for Ideals of a ruling party.

The colonies form into two huge factions. One known as the Peacekeepers, the other, the Liberalist. Both of them, are names of peace and freedom, yet they are at war for land, more colonies, energy and manpower. They were all hungry for more, yet one colony stood away from the rest.

This colony is known as the Darklights, they are called so, because they are able to keep the balance within their own colony. So much, so their colony thrive and have been neutral in the war around them. They were hidden from the world, until scouts from Peacekeepers and Liberalist found them. At first they came with negotiations, wanting to sign treaties to establish their rule over them, granting them protection in exchange for their services and location.

Since the Darklights are isolated from the war, all they have been doing is advancing research, gaining new technologies. Their area has an abundance of energy due to their preservation technology. Both sides wanted their technology as well as the location. They are located at a strategic spot. They are located on high ground, a good fortress to be in.

But the Leader of the Darklights know their intent. He refused both parties and refuse to take part in the war. Both parties did not push further, until one day, they attacked them.

During this time of attack, the Darklights had no choice but to fight back. As they were a peaceful loving people, the war was something new to them, they were really not meant for a war. The leader had no choice. He had to bring out his secret weapon, a group of soldiers, known as SEVEN.

This platoon only consist of 7 indiviuals. All equiped with the finest weapons, the finest suit and armor-mechs known as the DIRETECH. The suits were designed for the various talents these individuals have to offer.

Lincoln has the gift of sight, equipped with a mini-binocular eye-piece and wide-range of long-range weaponry for him to use. If you got a tank to take out? He has an anti-tank rifle. All his rifles has a very long barrel, to provide steady accuracy for him.

Sara has the gift of knowledge. Being the medic as well as sometimes the strategist, she is not someone to be trifled with. Along with Memphis, they will plan a way out in the tightest situations. Her suit is equipped with a bubble shield. She can render all attacks impervious to her. Whats her weapon? Normal assualt rifle and her box of toxin bullets and grenades. Poison is her way.

Jonathan is a weapon's whizz. He is known also as the man with many weapons. His knowledge of the outside factions weapons are amazing as he analyzed samples and weapons. His suit is a normal anti-armour pierce suit and mostly he pilots the mech as his mech is full of weapons. But he rarely goes into the battlefield. He is part of the radioman and intelligence as he fork out ideas for Sara to analyze.

The above are known as the Light side of the SEVEN.

Craig's gift is monstrous strength, the suit projects his punch to ten folds and thus with a punch he can puncture a thick wall and it will crumble. Useful for breaking in. His armor is heavy but he has no problem in maneouvering. He's slow, but do not catch him in tight places, you are in for a pain in the neck as well as a blasted stomach. His rifle has built in shot gun shells. No ordinary shells either. He can whack a tank and make a dent in it. But he can't lift it up. He is also sometimes equipped with an anti-tank metadoll.

Gale has the gift of speed. She can run fast, and her suit enhances her speed capabilities. She is usually equipped with blades of all kinds for different situations. She also weilds a hand gun which she rarely uses.

Memphis has the most unique gift, the gift of psychic. His role was to be a mind-reader, a spider-sense to the whole team. His suit is light armoured and is atune for his psychic abilities to strengthen and he packs a punch with his telekinetic attacks coupled with a mind-blowing weapon made just for him. An assault rifle with certain different bullets.

The above are the Dark of SEVEN

Derrick is known for his finesse in martial arts, therefore, his suit is accostomed to environments for assasination. Its atune to mobility and camoflage. If you need someone to recon the area? Derrick is your man. He is armed with a variety of weapons. Daggers, assult rifle, hand gun and even a healing kit. He is NOT a master of all traits, just a survival. Because of his background and how he balances Dark and Light in his life, he is appointed LEADER of the SEVEN.

In this year 7777 is the turning point, the end of the war. The outcome? I have yet to decide what happen. Its a sci-fi action and this seven won't be just battling among themselves, they have to lead troops, to flank the opponents own elite team and brains. Mechs play a role and abilities can turn the tide of battle.

Its not just strategy, is how to turn the tide to your favour. As the SEVEN began to conquer, they became inspiration for a few colonies, that there is still hope for them.

Hillsong United - Look to You Album

2008-11-13T08:25:00.003+08:00

There's a reason why I still love this album more than the other albums so far.

All the songs here are my favourites of Hillsong. The vocals here for the guys here are mind-blowing, probably thats why I love this album, I get to hear the guys sing.

But the songs here portray a feel that its really amazing. The touch from heaven is so easy and infectious as you listen to the album from the start. From one song to the next, it flows so easily. I can't think of any band as a benchmark than Hillsong united. The drummer is fantastic, great guitar riffs, plucking and the atmosphere it creates, is really amazing. The youths singing behind along with the band also create a huge impact on me.

The acoustics are my focus here. The strumming pattern is amazing, it accompanies the voice, the sound it produced is really trully, fantastic. All I know is that this album has been my strength to me during this period. I intend to learn the songs in this album and to keep playing it in my head during Army. I believe that the songs here can strengthen me. I have always believed that music can heal the soul, can bring light in the darkness. Can give a hope when there is no hope, provide an outlet of expression that no one could.

Animation is just a form of communication to the world. If the majority of youngsters are playing games watching animation, I hope to give them messages through this medium. Thats why I still insist on animation or music. I actually can't really decide. Like, I hope that animation and music really go together for me... Still looking for a way, there must be a way.

An Animated Meeting!

2008-11-12T08:24:00.002+08:00

Yesterday the three of us had a meeting. An animation future meeting.

Yes, its Sean, David and me. Discussing about portfolio stuff and moving on to our ideas for a future portfolio. It was a meeting that probably made my decision to whether music or animation is my path. I mean, from the many comments I received, music will always be my hobby, but one things for sure, its an extreme hobby. I will still continue to write songs, and learn more about music before I enter the animation arena. That is my goal.

At least for now, I am serious about music. And its not going to be a long time before I can even pursue it again. Yet right now, I have another concern. I want to learn another language. And since Army is a Music-killer for some, I may consider going to take Japanese during army time. I still have to consult on someone higher than me, whether should I pursue this course first.

I am willing to say that, if I enroll in 3Dsense Media School, that will be the only time that I will graduate to become a man.

Well we met up, the three of us. Sean has been in the SAF Film Unit, so envious of him, he gets to live a fraction of his dream. He will be moving on to greater things if he were to study in an advance school for animation. David was on the edge too, he is ready to create a portfolio. Me? Decision making is my primary concern.

We discussed over at Subway and talked for quite a long time. With each of us proposing our idea for a story plot.

David's story was more hero type kind of story. The only funny thing about his story was, there was no substance. I daren't say it in front of him.

I mean, sure, 3 people with somehow extraordinary powers as they were turned into super soldiers. One is an elemental, the other is a gunner user and the last one is a Gauntlet user. So basically, these 3 are somehow friends. Because they live in a world with an Economic Crisis and the worst of it, money is really your only friend. So they fought for money.
They are suppose to rescue a VIP who was kidnapped. Outside the building was heavily guarded. Wham! they took them out. Afterwards, they enter the building only to find themselves dodging traps and the worse traps ever seen within a building. (i was like "huh?")
Afterwhich, they will meet the boss on the roof of the building. The boss a sword user is somehow able to overcome the three of them, as he can predict their moves and know their styles...

Me: Then?
David: That's it.
Me: Wha-
Sean: Wait, so you're trying to say that this kidnapper, is using a sword which can personally rid all three at once.
David: Yup, Oh I want to hear your ideas too.
Sean: Yea, well I have one.

Now you must understand here. Sean is a very TECHNICAL person. So his back story is pretty complicated. He got a title for his story too, called Singapore 2.5K. Why's the title like that? Its a story taking place in the world today at year 2500 A.D. On this year, marks near the end of a war which Singapore is no longer a physical land country but has been in hiding. What do I mean? It seems something happened and Singapore was actually nuked, yet it survived as by that time, the Integrated Resorts and the invention of N.E.Water eventually became one of the greatest investions of all time. The IR was just a project to cover another project, to make a whole area underwater fit for living. The N.E.Water project was a cover-up for water based technology.
So when Singapore was nuked, every single citizen lives in the underwater city. The SAF was no longer what it is. The ground troops do not call the shots, but the Navy became the primary force. Singapore is somehow able to use the water technology for their operations to attain world peace. By this time, since it was nuked, every country in the world thought that Singapore was really no more. Until the recent assasinations around the world start provoking the world and the different factions.

I love his idea. But it took me a long while to understand his technical speech, What I just placed here was the bottomline of the story.

Me idea? Well... Its about the SEVEN tech warriors. Talk about that later.

Origins of Interest... Animation and Music

2008-11-11T10:07:00.004+08:00

All of a sudden I feel like sharing, where did I get the idea to be in the animation industry or even have the interest for music? Well, Final Fantasy was not the first thing that made me want to enter animation or music but it was the game that brought it home to my conclusion.

I have started playing games since primary 3 where games at that time were pixelated, and joysticks were the inthing. Yes because the games were mostly about flying in an aeroplane. I pretty much suck at those games, but i love the thrill of it.

Then primary 3 was also the time where half-life: counter strike first came about. Love the action and how I am experiencing from a first-person view. Here marks my great interest in first-person shooter games which up till now, is my favourite genre. My first favourite came when I tried out RPG games like Final Fantasy 10 in Secondary 3. So before RPG was my favourite, First-person shooter and RTS, real-time strategy, games are my favourite. To name a few, I love Red Alert, Red Alert 2, Starcraft, Warcraft 3 and Frozen throne for RTS. For FPS, I go for Half-life series, Medal of Honour, Call of Duty, Prey, Counterstrike. Yes My love for games is many. Yet I have to control them, or they will control my life.

But the main thing I'm trying to say is. Animation I have loved since games. And at that time, anime was not part of my life until secondary 3. And that marks the RPG era for me too. I played Final Fantast 10 on my uncles PS2. It was this game that got me so hooked that I took the game very very seriously. Yes it nearly controlled my life too. But one thing was for sure, no matter what I like, it has got something to do with animation. I watch TV alot when I was younger. So basically, animation started from there not games.

Music also started when I was young. But I suppose bad experience with Keyboard during childhood was my downfall, and also not being able to own a piano in the past too. But music started from keyboard lessons. I remember then that after which, music was just all for me to listen to. I did not really listen to much music until secondary school. But one thing I remember, I will always go for Karaoke when I was a kid, singing old english oldies with my Dad was the best experience that I had.

Even now, I feel that Karaoke, I am not afraid off. So singing was my love before playing music. Then I got interested in guitar. Because City Harvest Church made me open my eyes that we should not despise our youth and that we can do things for the glory of God. And I can't help but observe the guitarist in my cell group most of the time. Its pretty captivating to see a guitarist doing his thing whether in cell group or just in church seeing the main guitarist playing. I have always seen some of my friends that when they play a song from their guitar, people will start to flock toward them. I love that form of attention... I can't help but say that. Its a thrill to have people watching you perform your thing. Even though at first you are embarassed, but as I began to perform, all embarassment just fade away. So music has been my love.

Why did I say Final Fantasy brought home my conclusion for animation and music? Well, I do not know if you have noticed, but Final Fantasy has one of the best soundtracks ever made in a game. I love Nobou Uemetsu and Tetsuya Nomura's works. Both are the people I want to be. To be a musician, as well as a character designer or concept designer. Why concept? I feel that I have loads of ideas of a game story as well as plots for different scenes. Certain fighting styles I can also think of. I believe I can do this better than science laborotory stuff.

Final Fantasy's latest movie also got me very interested in making my own film! I have one problem, I am indecisive, afraid of hardwork ( yes bad character about me) and I can't seem to get out of my comfort zone. I can say that one of the reasons is, my mom is not willing to let me go to experience failure outside myself. Also I just found out, she still does not support me in arts, she still thinks that I will give up art and pursue science. Dream on mom... The ultimate reason is because, I can't seem to stand up to people. I keep letting them step all over me. Even if I did stood up, I will be shoot down again. I really hate this side of me.

Nevertheless, this is probably my mistake if I enter the animation world. One thing, church and cell group, I won't be able to attend often. I will be busy and very calculative of time management. Also, the job scope can even allow me access to overseas work! Which my aim is to go into Japan. To not only be an animator there, but to change their environment. I hope someone does not see this post. Even if they did, they can laugh at it for all I care. You just watch...

Popcorm Smasher: Quantum of Solace

2008-11-10T11:20:00.002+08:00

007, what does this number immediately tell you?

If your answer is 007 agent, James bond, then you are absolutely RIGHT!

This classic spy flick became a huge phenomenom up till its first creation till today. James bond was always seen as a classy, a womanizer, a guy with charisma, and lets not forget, a guy who thinks fast, acts fast, as well as hitting his opponents and escaping right under their noses. Not only that, he escapes as well as captures his opponents.

James Bond became a huge icon. Over the years, the generations of James Bond always shows James having different gadgets invited from a scientist. Alls good with that, and its interesting, however the action, or the fighting style was neglected. I love the gadgets and the way he used them, its creative no doubt. But whenever the actors for James Bond fought, the punches are always the same kind. Not much engagement or struggle. Even if there was a struggle, its just rolling on the floor with the enemy.

Well the Casino Royale generation, the current generation of James Bond, played by David Craig, is very different from the other James Bond. It shows a more wilder James, he still kept the charisma, but James in this case, is much more... Fierce?

He runs after opponents engages them and immediately there was a struggle, either for weapons (which is common) or for the kill by hands. Now this Quantum of Solace is the continuation from Casino Royale. He was still an agent, but an agent with trouble in his heart, his mind. He lose his first love, after all his days of womanizing, only to find that the lady he loved, betrayed him. She was married and she was threaten to be a double agent, against Bond. Thus, he felt betrayed but at the very last, she died trying to save him. He tried to rescue her but couldn't.

Quantum of Solace is where, Bond is lose. With vengence on his mind, he intends to find the organisation their agency have never heard off. The whole movie is really, ACTION! This is really one heck of an Action flick. Its realistic, there are engagements with a struggle. The first fight scene was James against a double agent in their agency. He nearly lose that round. The suspense created was incredible. In every James Bond movie, there will always be a scene where he went to bed with some lady. And yes you will see all the classic side of James bond, the only thing you won't get to see much, as Casino Royale was the same, is the gadgets.

There are no fancy gadgets in this movie. What you will see, is the charisma, the cleverness as well as the audacity, James Bond offers. Hand to Hand fights are really intense and fast paced. You will see the verious special effects which are really cool and its believeable. The whole movie, lives up to the genre... ACTION MOVIE!

to me: 4/5 Stars
Public: 4/5 stars
critiques: ? I have no idea... unless you hate action movie, then its 2/5 stars if not 3/5 stars. I bet they will complain about the fast pace fights.

I have the ability to Tell Time, Anytime!

2008-11-07T14:09:00.003+08:00

I just bought a watch at my own salary... But still, What a watch!

Casio Mudman Watch. It is shock resistant, water resistant till 200m depth and MUD resistant. Yes, this watch is made so that it is completely sealed off from all abnormal materials from entering its mechanism.

Also, it has 4 alarms to be set, a stopwatch with sophisticated recording of time laps. A snooze that rings every 5 mins, alarms can be set to date time and what hour and when. Its powerful trust me.

For the Countdown Timer there are quite good features too. Like the progressive beeps to inform you every interval of a minute and even near the last 10 secs it will inform you with beeps. So you can just keep running without having to worry how much time left as the beeps can help you. It will also inform you if you're running slower than normal or too fast, in other words, pacing.

Lastly, it has the feature of WORLD TIME. It means, any where in the world, all I need to do is adjust to the right country and WAH LAH, the time in that country. If next time I travel overseas, I won't have to just change my adjustment on the watch, I just need to switch in or out of the time mode for the certain country.

All this, for $137 smakeroos! Its quite a good buy to me. LOL!

Self Esteem Issues...

2008-11-05T10:22:00.002+08:00

I feel pretty lousy about myself right now.

I mean, I am frustrated over the problems in the company. But I know I can't just sit on the side lines anymore. Its time I be responsible and take action. Yet, I still feel down and I feel stupid about myself.

This feeling is worse than when my mom is on her bad side. Its a feeling that makes you feel that you are to blame, you are the cause of the problem and I am the thorn in the side of this department. I know I have to take action, I want to be positive about it...

But if I were to always have an optimistic attitude, I would be lying to myself as well... I really wish I can get out of this place. But the stupid contract is keeping me in! I have no choice! If I leave now I pay a whole month salary... That pretty much SUCKS! I really hope to make the right decision on when to quit. If I can quit half a month later, at least I can go for Asia Conference and pay off the half a month salary... I really want to do that.

I wanted to go for Asia Conference electives. The Art of Worship Leading, is the one elective I wanted to go for. I can't believe I'm saying this, but to me, music has became bigger than anything I had in my life.

Youtube aka the World Stage!

2008-11-04T14:01:00.003+08:00

Alright, I decided to promote youtube!

Basically, it was thanks to youtube, that I decided to pursue music. Because this is a place where, the latest movies, music videos and many interesting videos are put up. Wanna get up to date? Go and search for the latest news, gossips and happenings in youtube. Of course, it has a decency law which also appeals to me.

But my dream to perform didn't come from youtube. It came from when I was a kid. I have always loved to perform. To me the stage is my playground, even though I am sometime nervous about it, yet as I conquer my fear, I began to love the exhilaration of standing on a stage.

I used to perform dramas and sing in choir on stage before. Up till now, I still can remember most of my performances when I was a kid. And almost nearly in my life intervals like primary, scondary, poly, all of them I have been through a stage experience, meaning centre of attention.

I love the attention, I love the atmosphere of a standing ovation, but mostly, I love the freedom to perform and express. If I were to get into animation, the only time I get to have attention is after the filming is done. How did youtube get into all this?

Well, I wanted to learn guitar and youtube was my first source to learning. Also, its thanks to that, I began to see people doing covers and I trying to copy them. Yet I noticed there is actually a pool of talent in youtube.

The one thing that broke the ice was the Marie Digby incident. Where she crossed from a cover video girl to a superstar! The first youtube singer to become brand as a singer of pop culture! Singer and songwriter genre's began to spark all around youtube, becoming a new in-thing on youtube. Thousands of people start to pick up their instruments to play their songs which they hope could be heard. One thing led to another.

Bands start to perform on youtube (boyce avenue) and great acts from guitar fingerstyling and more singer songwriters are emerging. David Choi is one of my favourites. Although he has a unique style of not smiling when appearing on video.

All these people and Marie Digby, which became the inspiration of all who want to crossover to stardom, became my inspiration that the world is a stage. But its in the Cyber-world. We want to cross from Cyber world to Real World. Marie shows that example.

So I decided to do covers of christian songs, to help people like me, who wanna learn guitar but we kinda suck at it? Well, I only know how to show the chords I play. I still continue to learn online from people. My goal is to be able to strum to some of the most difficult songs, improve my vocals and to be able, to do piano covers. That is a long way to go.

So youtube is my pal, my 2nd Best friend and the only thing that keeps my dream for music going. I even had great comments, whether they were from my present friends, but I am more encouraged by the overseas youtubers. They are the ones who really made my day. Love you guys and gals out there, thanks to their comments, I continue to strive to play better, sing better, and search for a better camera. LOL!

Army Journey Chapter 1: Before BMT (Part 2)

2008-11-04T10:24:00.002+08:00

Working before entering army, common practice among fellow men of Singaporeans. Of course I have friends who quit their job so that they can relax for 1 month before entering NS, which is a living hell for some of them.

To tell you the truth, I'm kinda excited that I can finally enter NS. One of the reasons being, I can finally move on in life, and secondly, I can quit my contracted Job! Then afterwards, I began to feel a little intimidated. The trainings are going to be tough, no doubt about it, but the training phase is not what bugs me, its the mental attack by the sergeants.

Sure enough, as I remembered listening to some of my friends experience in army and how they got punished by them, doing silly stuff like jumping jumping jacks with "ya ya papaya!" if you said a "ya" instead of "yes sir" to your sergeant.

All in all, my friends commented it was a fun experience.

Since knowing that I am entering army, I began to feel the urge to exercise as well as to become physically better in terms of "looks" as well as Fitness, which is my primary goal.

The problem is motivation. Having urges does not mean I will exercise. I will tend to procrastinate until I do not have the drive to go.

Just yesterday after work, I went to the gym with my friends. Before that we did a 2.4km run, own pace. We tried abit of sprinting intervals on the track. After running, I had stiches and I had to stop. After that we went to the gym, where weight training and muscle build-up is the place for this. I did most of the machines for upper body. Pull up is still not working for me. *Sigh*

Checked the weight machine too, 63kg. Man am I heavy...

3D Common Sense: Music Versus Animation - Battle of the Arts!

2008-11-03T08:56:00.003+08:00

Two art forms. One is under Performing Arts, the other in Fine Arts. Basically, both are something I am very interested in. Nothing interest me more than music and moving images on the screen. Yet somehow, I am unsure of which to choose.

Its not like I can attend a school that has both arts? I can't pursue music and animation. Its too complicated! One of them is going to be a hobby for the rest of my life...

Why did I talk about this again, was because on the recent Saturday, I went to an open house at an animation school, 3Dsense Media School. Its the same school which I took my professional course in Film Production Animation using 3D studio Max software. It was not easy those 7 weeks as I had to juggle my own studies as well as church.

When I went to the open house to check out the diploma programme, it was interesting! Inspiring! But there is one drawback, the duration of study. Let's not mention the money, as we all know its going to be pretty expensive. But their study hours is from early morning around 8.30am till 6.30pm, and sometimes they have night classes ranging from 7.30pm till 11.00pm! Wow... I forgotten to ask if weekends are affected too, but I had no time to ask questions as it was late.

They went on to talk about how intensive it is, and basically their main focus is on the Industry and their needs as well as to potentially aid this people to unleash their potential in just, ONE YEAR. FIERCE! I am not an artist, but I have a passion, then what? Well, 3Dsense Media School is a place where PASSION, is the factor of all hardwork and thus you are FOCUS on one goal and in the end, DRIVEN to obtain it, which is to be offically known as a CG Artist.

Then agian, its only for 3D training. But they spoke on something common and that is the Drawings. The Drawings, are the FACTOR to all animation. No drawing? Might as well bang your head on the wall learning all the software. When there's no Creativity, there is no PRODUCTIVITY.

I feel like I'm promoting 3Dsense, which is for the VERY passionate. Yet, I have a drawback, I want to be able to have my freedom. Which is going to be contradicting... I need to find my way soon... Thats what I have been telling myself all the time.

Popcorn Smasher Hits - High School Musical 3: Senior Year

2008-10-31T09:29:00.002+08:00

Yes! Its back! Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens starring in the most popular Television Movie on Disney Channel, now brings it to the Big Screen!

High School Musical has became a phenomenom! It portrays young people living out their dreams, doing the stuff which they love and not to stick to the normal ways.
"A brainiac can break it down on the dance floor." Zac Efron, as Troy Bolton, said in the movie.

Its a movie that portrays, stepping out of your limits, and this is a setting which really encourages young people to really go for their dreams.

High School Musical the First Movie, talks about finding out your interest, talent and love holds no barriers for the two, Troy and Gabriella.

High School Musical 2, speaks on committment, relationship mistakes, work and how you have to "Work it out".

High School Musical 3, speaks mostly on the area of Decision making as well as fighting for your right to choose. All the while the choice is yours, and you shape your own destiny.

At least this movie on HSM3 gave me a very good impression. New songs of course, were brought into the musical. Its pretty good because the directors made it such that we were watching a theatre performance at some areas. It was pretty amazing the concept. Its like watching the whole musical on theatre in the movie theatre, that was the illusion they had created.

The Dance moves were bigger, better, and there was a surprising part which was really cute. LOL! I shall not say it. You could say that the last HSM, was actually better then HSM2 in a number of ways. The storyline was normal.

Here I have to ask, why do you watch a musical for? The storyline? Well, partially yes.

The music and moves? DEFINATELY!

So if you walk into the theatre thinking that you are expecting a heavy storyline and some powerpack total drama? Then, I say, you are in the wrong movie. Because, HSM, is about music, about dreams, about dancing away and striking a chord in our hearts once again, on love, friendship and freedom of expression.

Welcome to High School Musical 3: Senior Year!

Ratings: 4/5stars (for fans)
2/5stars(for people who already set their hears on hating HSM)
3/5stars (for the normal public)

Life is Shaky, What must you do?

2008-10-30T14:42:00.003+08:00

This phrase is one of the most catchy phrase I have ever heard.

Ever since I attended Super Teen, I know many punch lines and some are very good actually.
However, this punchline on my title, is one of the most asked questions in our own world.

Life is Shaky, what must you do? I remember answering, "Balance my Life." And the instructor would kick the log I was balancing on. Yes, we had to balance on a narrow log and walked across it with our eye on a little index finger at the other end.

When he kicked, immediately I fell, no matter how much I focus on the finger. I had to take my eyes off it the moment he kicked and looked for support. I would grab onto the hands of my friends who will be at my side. The instructor yelled at me to let go.

I remember the moment he said that I began to focus on the little finger again. Little by little, I regain my balance. Then he will began to kick the log again. Again my initial instincts was to hold my friends fist for support. And at my third try, when he kicked the log, I was successful to keep myself balanced and still. I was able to focus my eye on the target (index finger) and still stay balanced.

My instructor began to explain that the 'swinging' log depicts our life. There will be times when we have problems and obstacles in our way, making life shaky. When life is shaky, you tend to depend on others to get you through. And because your life is shaky, you will lose sight of your goal, your focus in life.

So you have to not depend on others support when life is shaky, you have to learn to balance out your life. Perhaps, I did not depend on friends. But I know during that time, I should not depend on Man, neither should I depend on myself to get out of shakiness. But we already have someone to help us balance, and that is the one True God. Who will carry you in times of trouble. When life is shaky, what must you do?

Balance my life with the Power of God, thats my answer.

What tHe BLeeP Do wE (k)now? Part 12

2008-10-30T08:45:00.001+08:00

Here is an interesting movie documentary which I came across. Its VERY interesting.

FRUSTRATION Part 2

2008-10-28T13:06:00.002+08:00

Oh my socks!

I am so frustrated! I am never going to find a job through agency anymore. Ok to be more specific, I do not want a contracted job ever again. It is seriously killing me!

I feel so trapped, so snuffed out in this company. I already submitted my army letter. That does not stop the contract for terminating me from this workplace. I really wish I could bang my head on the wall, why did I SIGN THE CONTRACT!!!

Now I'm stuck in this hole. And I feel as if I am suffocating. I know Aileen mean well to encourage me to stay on and even telling me that I should just swallow it down and stay on, but... My body won't allow me to swallow it.

The problem with me at work is the same. I don't have the authority, or if I'm not even sure about my authority, I will not Exercise it. Its something which I do not like to use either. Authority. Its abit hard as I have my own self-esteem issues. And to me, a Job that deteorates your self-esteem issues, is really not a job at all. Its like going to prison, working for the sake of money as well as to become someone which you are never good at in the first place. It is also not the best place to perform well in that job scope too.

I have been not doing work in this company. I really really, want to leave here. I do not want to burden this company any longer, I do not want to post invoices anymore, thats it, my final time of financial invoicing and all that crap.

I have never liked handling invoices. I prefer to just do my art... I know I can't think of it this way... Even today I met up with the Recruit Express gang for lunch and the new person that came in was a china guy. He says that even if we have dreams, we still need to survive.

The word survival... I really do not like that word. Its a word that will bound one to do something which he is not meant to do. He has no choice, no freedom, bounded in a cage and have no access to pleasures and comfort.

I really do not like the word. Yet its thanks to the Survival instinct in our flesh that we also cause pain in others...

Frustration over this matter is normal. Yet to brood over this, is harmful. I feel that I have entered, not the working world, but the real MARKETPLACE...

Army Journey - Chapter 1: Before BMT...

2008-10-28T00:19:00.002+08:00

I just got back from my trip in Kuantan, Malaysia. I had sunburn, thus the constant need to scratch, with pain, at the affected skin area.

It was a trip to fill our tummies. We went for a typical Singapore family kind of trip. Just relax and explore mostly on the food. Well, that is one of Singaporean's greatest traits, the food is a must in our travel factor.

So I returned, carrying all our bags and I went to the mailbox. As I popped open the little door of the mailbox, I saw the very familiar, orange checkered MINDEF letter. I knew right there and then, its the letter.

For so long I have waited for this letter. Particularly because I have BEEN waiting for it. I lost my chance to enter early the moment I failed one of my modules, even though I have already went for the Medical Check-up for status of Pes A. Some people consider it being "unlucky" to get Pes A. Because usually they will post people with this status to Diving Unit or Commandos. I believe there is one more division, Guards... But I'm not really very sure about Army stuff... yet.

All my best friends are now serving army, and now all of them had their postings as they have finished Basic Military Training. Its a time of lonliness ever since. And now, in front of me, is the genuine letter that states my official enrolment to BMTC School 2!!!

I was excited and after that I felt a little sad. This marks the end of my life as a 'Boy' and its the start to become a 'Man'. I just felt a little sad. For Singapore, all males age 18-20 have to undergo National Service. In the end, this is also the mark for males to sort of "graduate" from becoming a boy to a man. Its a "ritual" to adulthood you could say.

Immediately after seeing the letter I was reminded of the times when my best friends shared with me their experience during their book out. Its surprisingly, interesting the way they tell their stories. And if my friends can make it, why can't I? Well, for one, all of them do not have trouble with arm hand power.

I started to think that I need to train up from this very moment. I guess I really have to take exercise a serious thing and has to be regularly from now on. Please God, make me discipline ever more now that I have received my letter. Its what I prayed for too. But God, make me stronger in my arms. Make me stronger in stamina. I do not want to be a "slacker" neither do I want to do "more" than I am expected unless required. God make me a stronger person, physically as well as mentally. Amen.

!!! F R U S T R A T I O N !!!

2008-10-23T11:18:00.002+08:00

This is probably going to be the most unpleasant post I have put up for a long time.

I really, really, hate this job.
I mean, acutally, I thought the job would be an experience, new things to be taught to me. I was so optimistic about it. On my first day I was all set. I thought that by being taught for at least one week I would know everything. But Nooooooo....

One week passed. My fellow colleague left me due to "improper behaviour". So I am left alone on this seat of Temporary Sales Coordinator... Just thinking of that position makes me feel as if the bile from my innards are in my mouth.

The person suppose to be in-charge of me has not really been TEACHING me ANYTHING! Sure she makes request and all that, but I still do not understand her lingo.
Once she ask me to check certain date and time and stuff on a database. Note the word, database.

Its a general word, a word that everybody can understand that a database is where all data is being placed in a single location and that its a reference for everybody to see in case some "problem" shows up. But guess what, there is something called, MANY databases.

She asked me to check the database.

I asked which.

She looked irritated as if I should already know which database?

Hello??? I WAS NOT TRAINED FOR THIS JOB! EVEN IF I AM TAUGHT I AM NOT TAUGHT EVERYTHING??? HAS THAT EVER OCCURED IN HER LITTLE BRAIN???

Furthermore, I was not taught by the person in-charge of me, but the fellow colleague that left! And he did not know much of his job scope either, yet he managed to pull through three weeks! I am seriously wondering why he had bad conduct. Maybe so that he could leave this "ulu" (deserted) place and find a BETTER job that does not require you to seat at the seat just to stare at Microsoft Outlook all day and update a "database" which is known as the Customer database.

So i explain to her:
which database should I use?
she gave me the face.
I replied: "you know there are many kinds of database." qouted some examples. Then all of a sudden she just ask me to check the files for dates and the files are filed according to invoice numbers.

Smooth move nut head.

Yea I know in the end the dates are in running order no complain...

The point is... THE PERSON-IN-CHARGE DID NOT TEACH ME PROPERLY!? SHE EXPECTS ME TO KNOW EVERYTHING IN ONE WEEK FROM LEARNING THROUGH ANOTHER TEMP STAFF?

I am I came to this job, expecting to be taught and I want to be efficient and not pull down a company. I have always been like that. I'm loyal, even if I am staying for awhile. So long as I am taught PROPERLY what to do. I could be more efficient I can even aid my person-in-charge, I could even help other people in the department if I knew more!

I can't help but overheard some of my other temp friends I made this week. They were saying my person-in-charge actually feared to teach me everything. Because I am just a temp staff, not staying with them for a long time.

My dear friends, is 3 MONTHS long? I am going to ROT in this company for 3 months of starring at Microsoft Outlook. If I stare long enough everyday, I am not surprised that whenever you talk to me I'll go "You've got mail. From someone someone, cc to someone someone, subject: for my head to poop on, etc etc."

When someone ask me to check something with my person-in-charge, she looks as if she will pop. I understand she has many things to do. She rarely visits the office due to her job scope and perhaps to teach me but even so, teaching is more important! Just teach me the ropes, let me get it right and PRESTO! I am your official helper which does not add on to your problems but help you solve problems and only to enquire you for certain actions. No stress, no unhappiness... *Sigh*

Forgive my very ranting nature now. I just need to write it out... And looking back, its been a long time since I showed sarcasm of this level... Its been awhile. I decided to post this colourful looking Sarcasm masterpiece. Till I flare up again...

Water: One of God's Greatest Creations!

2008-10-20T09:15:00.006+08:00

Once again, our God is a Creative, Powerful and Great God. He is a God that knows exceedingly above whatever we can ask of think (imagine). Its been a long while since I decided to "preach". This message was shared with us in church yesterday.

Pastor Kong got straight into the word of God.

"Keep your Heart with all Diligence, For out of it sping the issues of life."

Prov 4: 23

The Heart speaking in this verse is not of the physical heart, but one concerning your soul.

Pastor went on the portray that the Heart works on 4 Levels of our being.

1. Thinking - With thoughts you are thus able to discern and to deduce situations and solve problems. Thoughts are a powerful tool to influence the way we live. So with postive thoughts, you will thrive. Negative thoughts, you stay depressed, unmoving, thinking that the whole world is your enemy. Thoughts are a powerful substance.

2. Visions and Dreams - Everybody has a dream. Whether its your dream to be a multi-millionaire or to be a boy scout, no matter how big or small the dream, we all dream. That is what gives us the hope and inspiration as well as something to look forward too. But a dream is just a dream until you exercise the next point...

3. Faith - Do you believe in that dream? To just say you believe, you have already won half the battle of attaining your dream. The bible says, so long as you have Faith of a MUSTARD SEED, which is a really really puny seed in the world, you can say to this mountain to move from here to there and to be cast into the sea, it shall be done, According to your Faith.

However, believing is not enough, just to keep your thoughts in and to believe is not enough. To go into the next level of the heart you have to...

4. SPEAK - Confess that dream, coupled with belief and Hard work! Remember Christianity works on ACTIVE FAITH not PASSIVE.

Here Pastor Kong brings us an example for all 4 Heart Levels. What is true in the spiritual is also true in the Natural.

Dr. Masaru Emoto is a well known professor for coming up with books on Water and the effects of its water crystals after being exposed to different types of Music and Words.

Take not that the water he used in his experiments are Distilled Water, meaning there is no relative substance or foreign impurities present in the water.

His Study shows that after water crystals are exposed to different words spoken to it, or music played to it. The began to take different shapes of crytals. The words "I LOVE YOU" Brings forth beautiful formations of water crystals. Whereas the words, "I Hate you! I want to kill you." the water crystals did not even form.

For music with love songs being played, again the crystals form beautifully. Whereas songs about breakup, there is still formation of crystals, but it looks as if the formation is half broken, depicting a broken heart.

His took his studies to another level. He went on to Thoughts. So he expose a few people to keep thinking positive thoughts in the room with the crystal. After the experiment, the results of the crystals were again very beautiful. Vice versa. Negative thoughts did not make crystals.

Then Emoto went to Fujiwara Dam to get a sample of water. He form crystals from it, only to find that it is not a perfect crystal, in fact it was rather hideous looking. It appears that in this dam, someone had actually committed suicide in it before. So Emoto got someone to PRAY over the waters of the dam.
Then he took the sample of the water. What he found were crystals, brilliantly shaped and shining with intricate designs.

This proves the Bible's teachings too.

In the bible, it says the power of your tongue should be tamed. That a negative word can bring forth destruction. Comparing this that we need to keep praying and seeking God also helps in building you up. After all, our bodies are made 90% of water (just an estimation). It makes you think doesn't it, that thoughts are powerful enough to change life's. Just from a single thought, it can tip the balance or shape your future and your life.

This is also saying your 4 heart levels can easily influence not just yourself, but to others around you. After all, the heart requires THINKING, Visions, dreams, Faith and we need to speak it out. Imagine the possibilities, imagine if you speak a kind word, the water in the bodies of others start forming beautiful crystals. Imagine!

Popcorn Smasher Hits! EAGLE EYE!!!

2008-10-10T23:40:00.002+08:00

This movie is FANTASTIC!

I love the confusion that was infused in this movie, the sheer determination and desperation that Shia Lebouf, aka the Sam Witwicky from Transformer aka Indianna Jones Son, has shown in this movie is breathtaking.

The story goes on to tell about two ordinary people with problems in their life. One was a guy named Jerry Shaw(lebeouf). He was just an ordinary photocopier boy. He works at a photocopy shop, desperately needed money to pay his rent and live a life impoverish. One day he received a call from his mom that his Brother died. And it so happens, they were twin brothers.

Another lady, Rachel, i forgot who is playing her, she had a son who plays the trumpet. The boy was sent to Washington to play in his orchestra band there. They were suppose to play in front of the president. The lady however did not get on the train because she has a responsibility of bringing her beloved son up. So she has to stay to work to earn money.

Somehow both of them were intertwined by fate by a phone call with a strange voice on the other end. Telling both of them to run and escape. Both of them are brand as terrorist due to their actions. But they were not, the lady was threatened by this voice that the son will be killed if she did not comply to follow. Jerry was somehow threatened to follow or other innocent people will be hurt.

Both had to comply.

The whole show is very nicely put together. The action is quite good and somehow the whole show got you at the edge of the seat as it began to reveal why certain actions were taken, who was the person that threatened both of them into doing terrorist acts or acts which are against the law. And how in the end, they save the world.

This movie is rated to me 4/5 stars. Great action great visuals and storyline to boot. Its very cool. MUST WATCH!

Braces Removed, New Hairstyle, Hobbies to be done!

2008-10-10T23:34:00.002+08:00

Yes my BRACES are removed! It hurt though when they removed it. Told me I have two decayed teeth... SIAN AH!

Then I went for the cleaning. To cut it short they really POLISHED my teeth la. It even shines. But really as I see in the mirror really got a difference man. Also all of a sudden, I felt uncomfortable for not having any metal in there. Its like my mouth was on parole, and getting out of prison. LOL!

Before my teeth, I actually went to cut my hair and i kinda liked it. Of course, if you did not style it will look like a Mohawk but its not.

I have been resuming my writing stories hobby as well as recordings and music once again. I even took a chance to compose one myself. It may not be perfect yet, but I somehow love my chorus.

Check it out at my latest post below! Yup, its an update post.

Still Love You [Original]

2008-10-10T15:57:00.001+08:00

Staring at the pale blue sky
Thinking about what comes close to life
Visions of the future is in my mind
All I see in it, is you and me for life

For just one touch I feel you closer
Joining hands intertwining finger by finger
Looking towards the horizon
All I see in it, is a happily ever after

Chorus:
And The stars twinkle till the moon glows
the sun rises in the west to the coast
I never thought it will feel this way
But now I know, I still love you

Everytime I tried to do something right
It always messes up one at a time
Its always the same excuses
She may have walked away but I look up to sing

Bridge:
If I had one more chance
To hold you in my arms and say
That I love you I love you I love you

The darken skies fill up the sky
Thinking about what comes close to life
The Stars twinkle as we lie down side by side
All I see in it, is you and me

OCS - Officer Cadet School, To Lead, To Excel, To Overcome!

2008-10-06T10:54:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I went to SAFTI military Institute, home of the OCS or Officer Cadet School.

Why am I permitted to enter? Well, my Grade 5 piano friend was inside there, confined for three weeks. And right after our visit to him, he will get to start the real Officer's course.

I went with his family to enter the premise. He talked to us about his experience in OCS so far for the past 2 weeks. Already he had so many stories to tell. He told us it was different level to BMT, its tougher, more studying and more "tekan". And his batch, their studies were at the top. Then he explain to us the different course officers will take after the removal of their "immunity" which is a string tied around the left shoulder.

There are three paths, one is Naval officer course, then there's Air Force Officer course and the bulk of the group will go to the Army Officer's course. From the Army course itself, most of the people in his wing, Tango Wing, will be diverted to Support Arms Officers. Meaning, some will go to Armour, Engineer, Medic, Artillary etc etc. You get the drill...

Anyway, we went for a talk which shows us about the Officers and what they will be doing for the next 9 months. 9 months I tell ya. Thats super long...
They showed us videos about Kean Mun's Tango Wing batch. It was really hilarious some of them. The funny part was when they entered the Tear Gas Chamber. They actually had a gas mask on. After which, they will need to take it off and shout their name and rank and reporting for blah blah blah... Then they start to tear up. We get to see some of their rections and facial expressions the moment they take of the mask. Some can't even talk properly. Some started making weird faces just to keep their eyes open. And some just cannot take it. The moment they came out. all their faces and postures look the same. All leaning against the fence coughing and just trying to breathe.

Kean Mun told me the feeling was terrible. He felt like he was going to die. That was the impression he had on tear gas. So now you know how terrible tear gas is? And guess what in the news when they say the riot police use tear gas on the riot mobs. I imagine it must have been super agonizing for those mobs too.

Then afterward they showed us another batch of Tango Wing people. It was a really hilarious video. It also shows not only their first three weeks but the whole process of Army Officer Training. They have to dig their own trench about their body height, rush up a hill with gun fire. Its like they have to take the hill. Of course this video did not show all the Tekan session. lol.

Other than that it looks to be alot of fun. But Kean Mun knows its not going to be a walk in the park. He showed us around the OCS premise and even the SAFTI tower. He also show us the parade square where all the Officer's will be Commissioned by the President himself. They will attend that parade when its time to graduate.

I mean I see how Kean Mun was really changed by army life. But he's still the same fellow. Realistic, and not over the top. Caring but also competitive. I find it very hard to see myself this way in future. Still, every man has to go through army. So what the heck, train my arms first... Still as flimsy and small... Can't even punch a fly fast enough... Haiz.

CCC Oxford Falls - Today cover

2008-10-02T17:33:00.001+08:00

Need I say anything? This song rocks! CCC i'll be waiting for you at Asia Conference!!!